why this me? i asked myself one day.

why this particular – version?

having overheard the conversations of the wind,

read messages, secret – shared only with the stars.

i thought i even understood the singing of the rain…

but what of that?

(to believe there is no other quite like you – how ludicrous – your presumption of status!)

try as i might – i just cannot understand, the tenacity of the sun.

regardless the thickness of the clouds,

the darkness from the storm,

it shines – consistent – unafraid…

truly nothing conceived within this mind, nor yours,

i presume,

could ever comprehend (the ebb and flow of (the tide) life).

enigmatic as light, to dark –

your insatiable attraction to yourself!

and i – hiding behind your mirror – remain all you will never see…

is your anything,

really better,

than the everything of me?

solitude –

precursor to loneliness.

disassociation of self –

from soul.

plunged head first –

into this desolation…

where do you turn to find

acceptance –

what price – the need?

compassion comes,

but not without cost.

smiles –

transparent,

masking pain –

unrealized.

abandon –

cruel nemesis to faith,

prevails –

hurt sustains!

my is –

interrupted –

fades into the vastness of was.

replaced, perhaps,

be it ever so briefly,

by yet another is…

when yesterday was today,

surreptitiously culled from could be,

to become,

you and that version-of-the-day me, did interact.

now i find your – is –

no more.

and realizing my inability to continue my journey

with you,

into your was,

makes me pause…

how apropos – on such a day as this;

hummingbirds and seraphim’s!

and as your you ascends from the tomb of could not,

the universe itself is moved to tears –

so softly the summer rain falls…

words unsaid –

touch un-felt –

promises, not made –

unbroken…

just how deep is too deep –

how real?

too real?

what is the penalty for touch –

instead of feel?

deep the water from your shore –

dark reservoir of intrigue –

and that safe room – behind your eyes –

illusive as – seems…

i would give a thousand – knows,

a million – haves –

for just one moment of your time –

(to understand, not assume)

dreams – i weave –

realities – i conceive –

engulfed within the enigma of you…

ethereal –

you are to me –

miles from ordinary!

preeminent misconception –

lonely,

does not rely on being –

alone…

days – there are –

sun shining,

not a single solitary cloud in the sky.

yet – shadows,

deep as midnight darkness –

(secrets hide in the dark,

gnashing their teeth –

overly animated and eager.)

at what moment did you decide –

indifference?

what memory – unsuppressed –

tipped the scale?

yesterday is mine.

holding your hand.

strolling through – uncertainty –

certain!

(i cannot explain sadness –

even gravity cannot hold so tight!).

if – as easy as making a wish –

you would come true –

i would not be on this bridge –

(solace when touching deep water…)

angry at myself for the need –

yet unable to refrain…

inadequacy:

the most un-healable pain!

once upon a – not so long ago;

before the now, was then.

soon after that first,

hello…

(Eden – well,

at least some acceptable facsimile),

there was a you, i knew –

and a me you,

although – reluctantly, allowed admittance…

why is it – in the light –

all demons – disappear?

aren’t they – by nature – invincible?

if can’t is not allowed to become is,

what then?

this timid soul does not possess the strength to slay

even the most subtle dragon,

and nowhere in the manual of supposition

is there an option – to just – be!

indignant –

of you to assume!

your judgment falls like hail upon the road –

undisclosed to one –

further along the journey!

insinuations –

allegations –

demure unable to find –

a disguise…

i think i saw you –

lurking in the shadows

(you say coy,

i scream – callous!).

i think that i could live one hundred years

and never understand,

from whose authority,

your condemnation?

(justification for hate?)

your eyes,

like your mind,

closed tight –

(and try as i might)

your fear will not allow me in –

my good intentions,

useless as the pain your conscience can never feel!