wanting more than less –

needing more than have –

i find my life in shadow,

standing still…

consumed by doubt –

entombed within the walls of disbelief –

i feel the madness creep

into my living,

forcing me to contemplate my fate.

do i seek refuge here

in dying’s harbor?

commit to nothing –

become un-done?

how simple then,

the letting go –

no need –

for need,

no longing –

to belong…

so sweet the peace that

must come with the passing.

so great the un-weight,

un-encumbered –

un-entwined –

the soul,

aged captive –

finally free…

working through the pain that has become my life.

stepping carefully on the thin ice of truth,

fragile –

cold.

so hard to strip away the shell –

layer upon layer,

so hard to face the lies –

confront the fears.

alone –

i stand – vulnerable, insecure,

afraid.

alone –

i fall upon myself – weak,

unable to face the reality of –

honesty!

suddenly you appear – strength –

holding in your hand –

a single – match.

what will you do with all the power?

confused –

anxious –

i watch you start the fire –

feel the heat –

feel the ice melting…

exposed –

unrestrained –

i give away all doubt –

throw caution to the very wind that feeds the flame…

i let my life melt into yours –

forgetting all the pain –

all the burns and scars of hurt –

     you cover me

     a desert –

     for the first time –

     feeling rain!

from chaos –

there comes a crown,

or so it may appear.

be careful –

all that glitters,

(well, you know)…

impromptu –

as it all may seem –

this course was –

pre-determined;

agenda’s,

hidden –

motive – un-disclosed…

and while the self-proclaimed queen ascends the throne,

those hiding in the shadows,

clinch tight their stones,

(solidarity – buried in an unmarked grave).

pompous –

precariously perched high upon – presume;

you think your – self – a god?

how sad,

but oh so satisfying!

your unsure steps,

leading you further along,

into the nothing…

there are times –

i wish i could be –

someone else,

anyone – other than – me.

perhaps Martin Luther King Jr.

when dreaming of a utopia

while everyone else was merely sleeping!

or –

Neil Armstrong –

stepping out boldly into the unknown,

selfless,

unaware,

yet – secure!

better yet – than these –

to have been Jesus Christ –

while hanging on the cross –

suffering,

bleeding,

dying…

to look Satan in the eye –

and smile –

unafraid!

to be that – confident –

that forgiving!

wanting to – remember

needing to – remember

yet unable to – remember…

(thoughts strewn random – uncollectable)

pleading,

desperately –

yet adamant.

the mind ,

however,

unyielding…

(uncontrolled chaos – borderline dementia)

memories collected –

haphazardly –

disorganized sanity…

(thin, the line between what is and what should be)

and standing guard –

the one called – father –

ageless sentinel

surveying all –

seeing –

nothing!

i see you there –

in the shadowy twilight of my used to be –

safe,

a memory tucked away for a rainy day…

i used to think the world revolved around you –

stars,

you made –

sun, only from your smile…

i often found myself absorbed within the all of you –

eyes,

dark as midnight –

doorway to the temple of your soul –

but me,

being me,

never found the courage for the journey –

and you,

being you,

never offered safe passage…

why is it –

now – redefined –

i find the feelings turned from awe –

to anguish?

how can i blame the dawn –

for day?

the moon –

for night?

your creation was not conceived for my salvation –

your hands much too large to hold the tininess of me!