when if turns into is –

tomorrow,

yesterday –

i’ll still be waiting here for you,

midnight anticipating dawn…

long –

the shadows on the road –

with miles left yet to travel –

but i’ve grown weary of the journey…

time used to be a friend of mine –

until the days behind were greater than ahead.

quickly –

earnestly –

i grasp for one more rung on this ladder of my life –

ambitious –

determined –

seeking consistency

in a mercurial world…

can you reach out a hand today?

this friend indeed –

is more than just a friend in need –

and you,

much more than just the axis to a world

ever so quickly turning!

what i saw in you –

i needed to see in me.

and what i felt for you –

was what was missing from my life.

like a hand given –

but not taken,

a glance –

not returned…

desperation –

a weight – too heavy for this heart to hold,

chains of bondage –

locked tight,

and you,

the key!

into this world we’re born –

craving affection –

warm caress,

open arms,

love…

and as we walk along life’s journey

we search for that – connection –

eyes that meet,

glance shared,

confirmation of mutual admiration…

yet –

it seems –

that if that touch,

that – embrace –

falls outside the paradigms of social acceptance –

we push away,

close doors,

retreat…

why is it –

my friend –

my feelings invade your – right?

my need exceeds your – allowed?

i have only everything to give to you –

sunlight on a cloudy day –

care more than all of life’s unconcern –

and love –

pure as fire,

real as touch –

i only want to be that which you need –

all of want –

more than much!

beneath it all –

even below the ever  growing pile of discontent…

layered,

ever so patiently –

my defense.

(scar-tissue effect)…

time passes;

and just as quickly as a borrowed breath – returned,

this now,

becomes our was…

what of it,

then?

false hope clinging in vain to should?

if we are less than everything allowed,

why – be – at all?

oh!

i suppose there could be desire to rise above,

but even birds with broken wings

soon forget how it feels to fly…

i fear

that i will never understand from what authority –

you disallow?

how ludicrous –

the signs you post –

inscribed with such callous – UN-intent!

sad,

it must be –

unable to respond –

responsible to guilt –

imprisoned inside a tomb – of should…

and while your hope floats away,

upon a breeze of – nonchalance –

my – could –

remains captive –

bound by chains unseen –

victim to your abrupt,

yet rehearsed,

abandon!

i cling to you like – spider webs –

you brush away!

i wrap myself inside your thoughts,

submerge myself within your silent eyes –

yet you don’t – see me,

don’t even – feel me…,

how is it – my precious friend –

your life can be so – full,

so closed?

i take just so little room –

a hurried breath,

or thought,

or maybe just a simple – sigh!

please make some room for this scared dream –

or else – i die!

oh my duplicitous Pygmalion!

while you were sleeping,

i was years away…

… trapped,

as you would say –

contained within my pre-assembled tomb of ambiguity.

but there is where i find –

i,

my – me…

and while you walk in circles

around my truth,

expecting walls of nonchalance to crumble,

i smile –

free of your contagious animosity…

how simply –

archaic!

your words,

so fervent in their request to be my savior –

however,

your eyes do not invite –

and your clinched fists can never hold these trembling hands…

nil –

my I.

my opinion,

null.

joy only –

you kill;

my moon,

you up.