solitude –

precursor to loneliness.

disassociation of self –

from soul.

plunged head first –

into this desolation…

where do you turn to find

acceptance –

what price – the need?

compassion comes,

but not without cost.

smiles –

transparent,

masking pain –

unrealized.

abandon –

cruel nemesis to faith,

prevails –

hurt sustains!

and on this particular day –

in – just this same spot –

you –

i –

did engage in life;

day,

sun,

moon,

dawn – all shared experiences –

beneath the same sky…

holding here –

in these trembling hands –

(insecure most definitely wins over self-control),

all of the nothing,

even remotely – un-acceptable gift –

(when all you have to offer is less than sky,

too faint for blue…)

i have found –

over time –

that life – my life –

is not defined by the things that happen to me –

but more,

how i react to them.

i take a moment –

today –

wrap my brain around the inevitable truth:

life (the process),

is (unequivocally),

most –

awesome!

(there shall be no compromise!).

to be the somebody you want me to be,

i’d have to let go of the nobody i am…

to find my way up from the bottom of down,

requires more rope –

a stronger knot…

you –

my friend –

are not aware –

your disassociation creates grey –

space unfilled –

water much too deep to wade –

too wide to swim –

and your strong hands,

will not build a bridge…

all alone is too much sad –

the absence of touch,

a feeling i wish i never had…

you hide behind your – suppose –

as if it were a shroud,

seemingly unaware of the audacity –

imposed by your flagrant transparency…

how awkward –

meeting here like this –

exposing all my is,

to find it wasted effort to your – presume!

when did the lines become so blurred?

boundaries,

redefined?

we used to travel the same path –

shared the same – once upon a time…

dangling now –

contemplating the letting go –

while you callously take flight on wings of indifference.

surely there is no sadness more intense

than dying –

without death!

far deeper than any touch,

much more real,

than feel –

unlike whispers

fading into the air,

carried away too soon –

you are the – air!

all inclusive,

pervasive as nightfall –

you seep into every pore of my being,

filling every cavity of my soul!

i drink you in –

the thirst never satisfied,

and so i must return,

time and again,

to your most pensive fountain!

hope lingers in the doorway –

wisp of cigarette smoke

escaping into the dark of night…

you there –

silhouette in the shadows –

enticing me with silent promises

(your eyes have stories to tell)…

i followed you –

once –

unafraid – yet anxious –

into the heart of – unknown –

beneath a star-less sky –

right up to the door of – what if.

(how can you enter without a key?)

scared –

suddenly aware –

(naked as full moon)

how could i continue on?

(oh so tight the chains of insecure).

innocence – sacrificed.

unaware made – poignantly – aware!

you are my secret pleasure –

ember of a fire i cannot resist –

warmth i crave,

yet unable to survive the heat!

(like the moth to the flame)

flimsy as maybe –

unstable as if –

your promise floats above me,

just out of reach…

perhaps you feel the effort

more important than the feel,

suppose – more necessary than real.

intentions – undefined –

your non-touch

un-opens me.

while you roam effortlessly from your dreams,

you keep me tightly clasped –

to mine…