to just for once –

be that which is – necessary;

no longer-

required.

to understand the difference…

you speak to me –

indiscriminately.

unobliging as moon,

to midnight!

pompous –

you are.

supreme to my inadequacy;

omnipotent as sun,

in a sky devoid of clouds…

and even as i try to – not believe,

your matter of fact impales my –

un-faith.

leaves me,

clinging to your strong –

devours my –

weak!

have you seen me lately?.
looking for you –
following you –
have you felt the presence
of my hands –
as a breeze blew past –

perhaps felt the caress of my soul
on your face,
in your heart?

longingly – you stare,
yet ever so – placid.

your soul cries out to me,
as you stuff silence down your throat,
and the flame – dies!

anxious permeates the room –

when you walk in.

a storm in liberation –

intriguing,

as much as darkness feels about light…

evasive –

you –

escaping into – might.

no matter how hard I will you back to – is.

acutely aware of the risk,

am I –

yet unable to resist!

palliative –

you have become.

to my addiction,

oh-so-eager to

assist…

working through the pain that has become my life.
stepping carefully on the thin ice of truth,
fragile –
cold.

so hard to strip away the shell –
layer upon layer,
so hard to face the lies –
confront the fears.

alone –
i stand – vulnerable, insecure,
afraid.

alone –
i fall upon myself – weak,
unable to face the reality of –
honesty!

suddenly you appear – strength –
holding in your hand –
a single – match.

what will you do with all the power?
confused –
anxious –
i watch you start the fire –
feel the heat –
feel the ice melting…

exposed –
unrestrained –
i give away all doubt –
throw caution to the very wind that feeds the flame…

i let my life melt into yours –
forgetting all the pain –
all the burns and scars of hurt –
you cover me
a desert –

for the first time –
feeling rain!

out beyond the break of the hill,
past the weeping-willows,
there lies a small mound of dirt.
i remember that hill from my childhood,
still embedded in my mind.
i used to go there to find myself,
returning full,
overflowing in prepubescent omnipotence!

now i go there only in my dreams.
visit the hillside,
try to find the tranquility,
the simplicity,
the sheer exuberance of childhood.
if only for a moment,
i could stand again beneath the stars,
sit upon the damp ground with folded legs,
knees in hands,
contemplating – nothing!

i would die to be reborn,
to be that innocent,
that benign!

there was,

at one time,

a house,

on a hill.

strong cold cement walls hidden in a sea of trees.

i still remember the smell of the cool damp basement,

and the sound the cedar tree made

groaning in the wind.

and if i reach back –

far enough –

i can find the innocence –

lost.

can still feel the security of youth

slip off my shoulders,

and the absence of warmth with its leaving…

i grew up in that house –

well before my time.

learned lessons too soon to comprehend.

walked out of those doors

like a prisoner from a cell.

cowering beneath a sun – seldom seen…

clinched fists –

holding pieces of a broken heart –

with no hope of healing!

pensive –

hypocritically – contrite –

you stand alone,

a bastion of solitude in a sea of outstretched hands…

demure in your self-proclaimed in-culpability.

astonishingly – obtuse.

devoid of even a trace of empathy,

i watch as you bask in your

self-righteous piety –

seemingly unaware of the absurdity –

oblivious of your own flagrant nonentity!

gladly into the unknown –

past the edge of sane –

i would travel –

just to be with you…

eyes closed –

diving – without hesitation –

into the all of you!

intrigued – i am –

by your evasive unresponsiveness –

your inability to return a touch –

hands clinched tight.

relentlessly i knock upon your door –

knuckles sore –

energy spent –

yet you –

contained within your enigmatic cocoon of un-trust –

refuse me access…

what ancient act of treason

confined you to this prison?

what hurt so deep impales your soul

that you cannot look up,

raise your head from the pain,

see me?

longingly i stare –

in search of sun on your horizon –

but i find only midnight shades of sorrow –

no trace of us,

in your tomorrow!

i allow myself to be small –

enough to hide behind,

suppose…

safe within the confines

of – should be.

while you –

inflated by winds of –

possibility,

roam effortlessly,

my sky…

audacious –

don’t you think?

invading my nonchalance?

with your –

obtuse – insinuations?