this piece for you – 

the abandoned one.

solitary confinement, 

it seems, 

in a world of (not always) smiling faces.

for the you that wishes to be he, 

or she, 

or really any of the they. 

for just one minute of any given day,

to understand feel – 

as much as the absence of touch.

this piece for you – 

owner of less than (it seems) enough.

shepherd without cause –

gatekeeper to an empty lot.

how often,

in life, 

do we pass each other on the street –

share paths –

travel in the same direction –

yet unaware the other exists?

today i saw a homeless man,

and after the initial wave of sadness left,

i found myself wondering if just maybe it was his choice?

while hard to imagine –

life devoid of the accoutrements we deem mandatory for contentment, 

maybe it was his way of avoiding the pain of indifference.

just maybe he chose to be lost –

less painful,

than merely being –

forgotten…

and just about now,

while the stars shine and the moon is slightly less than full,

we wage wars against ourselves.

in this moment, instead of holding hands, we throw sparks –

rekindle flames –

ignite with fear the fires of discontent.

what will it accomplish?

this war of indifference?

if in the end –

when the smoke finally clears –

we find all we’ve conquered –

is good; all that remains –

draped in darkness –

sad shroud of victory worn by kings without crowns –

left only to reign over the grave of morality.

and so it goes…

and just about now,

we boast and brag of conquests made in the name of jurisprudence –

encroach upon the boundaries of right and wrong –

yet fail to comprehend the majesty of benevolence.

and just about – now –

while making plans to ostracize God from our concept of creation –

we fail to realize the structure of our once great society is falling down –

thin walls of faith,

collapsing in upon themselves,

weakened –

by the senseless acts –

inhumanity of man –

and just about now –

the reality of our demise is heard –

not in the roar of mighty storms –

but subtle as the exit of day –

more personal than a whisper of consolation,

from the very lips of death…

(and now i lay me down to sleep ,

i pray the Lord,

my soul…)

doors.

designed to allow exit –

designed to prohibit intrusion.

for most of us,

addition of lock – no longer optional.

predetermined –

decision made based on past experience –

unlawful entry.

we imagine days before the knowing.

when convenience of passage was not only allowed,

but welcome.

seasons passed so quickly.

innocence –

unwilling martyr to the conquest of aging.

what do we do,

now that the key has been found?

safe we were –

indisposed,

ignorant to the obligation of trust.

what will become of our premise –

our assumption of character?

who will we be when separated from the mask of suppose?

pray?

for?

redemption from the sin of mistrust?

un-faith in the promise of absolution?

i suppose there is honor in forgiveness –

but nowhere in the constitution of salvation is there clause for arbitration.

and you there –

standing silent in the hallway of indifference –

key in hand,

what will you do?

you arrogantly presume control over my situation –

never realizing,

the door was unlocked all along.

i wonder,

how it would feel,

if at that point along your journey,

the option to allow yourself to be completely broken was given.

how incidental,

the situation –

to be picked up,

piece by piece –

reconstructed –

to become whole.

reassignment of your could have been,

into the possibility of –

am…

i lose my way –

inside the space –

between my hello,

and your goodbye…

time stands still.

reality –

redefined.

i lose my way –

in the maze of your smile.

wonder,

as i wander,

how can such beauty coexist,

with so much pain –

contained,

within the enigma –

of you…

and as i make my way across the broken surface of your (un)intention,

i recognize the jagged edge of your sorrow.

stumble on the uneven terrain,

of your silent –

disregard…

questions,

i have.

opportunity for you to abrogate –

suppose.

yet truth,

you do not choose.

and inasmuch as dark does not consume the light,

your conviction does not make the wrong of your abandon,

even remotely –

right…

entangled in
my now-
entwined within
my what-will-be,
you…

an anchor fastened to my heart-
essential as even-
air.

what was life before
you-
who drew the line
between indifferent-
and necessary?

was there sunlight-
or did the night – so nonchalant
just close his eyes-
allowing day…

i cherish moments
filled with oh-so-much of you,
grateful-
yet undeserving…

phrases catch-
stick their insinuations into the residence of thought.
that room; without an exit.
trapped,
we find ourselves slaves to the supposition.
irrelevant –
the margin of error.

once thrown,
the dart of defamation finds accommodation with our allowed.
as victims,
we believe somehow it is our fault.
perhaps we chose denigration over absence of feel.
even pain holds preference over ignored.

yet without reservation –
we cry our hurt –
wear crowns of lamentation.
picket signs shouting our anguish as we stand silent –
faces (all the same) in the crowd.
resigned to epitaphs of woe.

insignificant as could have been,
in the story of our was…

…today –

you passed me on the street.

for a moment our eyes met.

i formed a smile, greeted you.

you turned your head and walked away.

as i continued along my journey,

i debated with myself – what did i do?

what impression did i give that warranted indifference?

confused.

uncertain.

i placed the moment in my box of “after-while” –

consideration for another day.

today i messaged you.

excited to share a “guess-what?”.

busy,

you promised conversation some other time –

another day.

perhaps i read more into your dismissal than i should.

just maybe,

i held on too long to my expectation of your when –

misconstrued your (un)intention.

today –

i waited for you.

anticipated the familiar comfort of your voice.

impatiently counted the minutes until your arrival.

rehearsed with eager enthusiasm my words expressing joy at your return.

but today,

you did not –

return.

and standing here,

commiserating with just myself,

i understood the sadness of alone –

the deafening roar of silence –

the numbing pain –

of your most callous – inconsideration…

doors.

we stand on one side,

or the other.

owner of the lock,

or the knock.

so easy to choose –

allow or disallow.

if –

our position – outside,

choices still to be made.

to overcome the fear –

apprehension –

of ignore?

or if –

so inclined –

make unaware our presence –

ambition to belong?

so great,

the opportunity –

ownership of discern.

to stand in judgment –

condemn or condone.

remain silent in shadows of presumed insignificance –

or shine our light –

replace the darkness of cant –

with the brilliance of our might?

regardless the anxiety of consequence,

we own the obligation to choose.

so much more desired –

decision of intent,

than incidence of suppose…