Monthly Archives: June 2019

salvation

i know this stretch of highway well.
i’ve traveled this winding road.
the curves that lead to where darkness lives –
the no-outlets –
desperation…
 
i’ve been where you currently hide.
scratched my name on that same wall of sorrow.
imagined the comfort of care.
and even now, on that very ledge of contemplation –
with the wind of indifference suggesting you just let go –
become undone –
i know…
 
sometimes in life we find the journey too long between rests.
sometimes – too intense.
sometimes,
lonely.
but what we fail to realize,
is just how much strength we show when at our weakest.
it’s in those moments of complete despair,
those moments of uncertainty,
those moments of – fear,
that we offer up our most sincere us.
 
when everything that confines –
restricts –
disables –
is stripped away –
then,
and only then,
can we come to terms with what defines us.
 
and sometimes,
even when we wish it were not so,
we find ourselves holding hands with hope.
and as hard as we try –
despite the diligence of our no –
the perseverance of our will,
to not –
we care…
 
in that moment we understand the blessing.
in that perfect moment –
we appreciate the gift.
 
what feeling more complete than joy from pain –
smiles from tears –
accommodation of shelter –
when lost and oh so lonely –
abandoned (it seems) –
in the rain…
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and just about now

and just about now,
while the stars shine and the moon is slightly less than full, we wage wars against ourselves.
in this moment, instead of holding hands, we throw sparks – rekindle flames – ignite with fear the fires of discontent.
what will it accomplish? this war of indifference?
if in the end – when the smoke finally clears – we find all we’ve conquered – is good; all that remains – draped in darkness – sad shroud of victory worn by kings without crowns – left only to reign over the grave of morality.
and so it goes…
 
and just about now,
we boast and brag of conquests made in the name of jurisprudence –
encroach upon the boundaries of right and wrong –
yet fail to comprehend the majesty of benevolence.
 
and just about – now –
while making plans to ostracize God from our concept of creation –
we fail to realize the structure of our once great society is falling down –
thin walls of faith,
collapsing in upon themselves,
weakened – by the senseless acts – inhumanity of man –
 
and just about now –
the reality of our demise is heard –
not in the roar of mighty storms –
but subtle as the exit of day –
more personal than a whisper of consolation,
from the very lips of death…
 
(and now i lay me down to sleep ,
i pray the Lord,
my soul…)
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when I’m without you

those days are here again –
when i’m alone –
clinging to the threads of
my existence,
falling fast!+
 
those days are here again –
when you are gone –
and everywhere i turn,
i find the emptiness,
the lonely shadow.
 
where are you now –
these sleepless nights,
these lifeless days?
where have you run
to find yourself?
 
you leave me –
losing mine!
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agenda’s.

life contained in boxes of obligation.
regimented interaction.
and if –
by chance –
a tear appears in the fabric of allowed –
all accommodation cast aside.
 
what is it –
that you do –
elevates your who to platforms of suppose?
were we not formed as equal parts from the same mind that imagined all creation?
 
what you hold in your heart will just as freely fit in mine.
however –
words of contempt you allow freedom to escape –
like whispers that crash impetuously upon the shore of my content…
 
audacious –
your you.
self-contained within walls of presume.
 
all the while –
held prisoner behind eyes that appear to look,
but sadly –
cannot see…
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fault-line

 

wanting to – remember

needing to – remember

yet unable to – remember…

(thoughts strewn random – un-collectable).

 

 

pleading,

desperately –

yet adamant.

the mind ,

however,

unyielding…

(uncontrolled chaos – borderline dementia).

 

 

memories collected –

haphazardly –

disorganized sanity…

(thin, the line between what is and what should be).

 

 

and standing guard –

the one called – father –

ageless sentinel

surveying all –

seeing –

nothing!

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seepage of your light

i cling to you like – spider webs –

     you brush away!

 

i wrap myself inside your thoughts,

submerge myself within your silent eyes –

     yet you don’t – see me,

          don’t even – feel me…,

 

how is it – my precious friend –

     your life can be so – full,

          so closed?

 

i take just so little room –

     a hurried breath,

     or thought,

     or maybe just a simple – sigh!

please make some room for this scared dream –

     or else – i die!

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sometimes the understanding

 

to just for once –

be that which is – necessary;

no longer-

required.

to understand the difference…

 

 

you speak to me –

indiscriminately.

unobliging as moon,

to midnight!

 

 

pompous –

you are.

supreme to my inadequacy;

omnipotent as sun,

in a sky devoid of clouds…

 

 

and even as i try to – not believe,

your matter of fact impales my –

un-faith.

leaves me,

clinging to your strong –

 

devours my –

weak!

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becoming Jericho

 

oh my duplicitous Pygmalion!

while you were sleeping,

i was years away…

 

… trapped,

as you would say –

contained within my pre-assembled tomb of ambiguity.

but there is where i find –

i,

my – me…

 

and while you walk in circles

around my truth,

expecting walls of nonchalance to crumble,

i smile –

free of your contagious animosity…

 

how simply –

archaic!

your words,

so fervent in their request to be my savior –

however,

your eyes do not invite –

and your clinched fists can never hold these trembling hands…

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cause

 


this post – 

specific – 

intended. 

undeniably – unobtrusive.

 

words that speak from a shrine of good intention.

words that speak to humble – 

humility.

 


words that speak from a platform of compassion –

across the silence of a room of doubt…

 

it seems –

sometimes –

the closer we become to who we are, 

the further away we move from our comfort zone.

 

 

suddenly the definition – 

the boundaries –

the allowed,

becomes muted. 

uncertainty colored gray replaces the black and white contrast.

is –

becomes could,

should gets consumed by can’t.

 

 

as we search for answers to questions we have not the courage to ask, 

our serenity disappears –

lost in the chaos of despair…



 

                                                             and effect

 

 


these words –

surreptitiously culled from dissertations of faith –

sermons of solidarity.

and yet i wonder if you hear them through the discord of your lamentations.

 

 


prayers – i pray.

application for license to disarm.

all the while –

you remain isolated –

entombed within a vault of disbelief.

unable to see over walls built to disallow insurgence of attack –

denigration of emotional stability –

 

 


that in effect,

have become prisons

of self-imposed

indifference…

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