Monthly Archives: August 2019

tease

flimsy as maybe –
unstable as if –
your promise floats above me,
just out of reach…
 
perhaps you feel the effort
more important than the feel,
suppose – more necessary than real.
 
intentions – undefined –
your non-touch
un-opens me.
while you roam effortlessly from your dreams,
you keep me tightly clasped –
to mine…
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breath

that which you are –
intrigues me –
the depth of your eyes,
a vortex that pulls me in –
the warmth of your smile enlightens me…
 
wherever i go –
you go –
for i carry you in my heart.
 
irreplaceable as light –
delight more grand than sound
to one who cannot hear –
i keep you near,
cornerstone of every dream…
 
more than – just enough,
intrusive as – is –
merely hearing your voice throws chaos to the wind –
and when we touch –
my entire existence bends!
 
you are the air –
mere breath i long to breathe!
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abandoned

i lose my way –
inside the space –
between my hello,
and your goodbye…
 
time stands still.
reality – redefined.
 
i lose my way –
in the maze of your smile.
wonder,
as i wander,
how can such beauty coexist,
with so much pain –
contained,
within the enigma – of you…
 
and as i make my way
across the broken surface of your (un)intention,
i recognize the jagged edge of your sorrow.
stumble on the uneven terrain,
of your silent – disregard…
 
questions,
i have.
opportunity for you to abrogate – suppose.
yet truth,
you do not choose.
and inasmuch as dark
does not consume the light,
your conviction does not make the wrong of your abandon,
even
remotely
right…
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thawing

working through the pain that has become my life.
stepping carefully on the thin ice of truth,
fragile –
cold.
 
so hard to strip away the shell –
layer upon layer,
so hard to face the lies –
confront the fears.
 
alone –
i stand – vulnerable, insecure,
afraid.
alone –
i fall upon myself – weak,
unable to face the reality of –
honesty!
 
suddenly you appear – strength –
holding in your hand –
a single – match.
 
what will you do with all the power?
confused –
anxious –
i watch you start the fire –
feel the heat –
feel the ice melting…
 
exposed –
unrestrained –
i give away all doubt –
throw caution to the very wind that feeds the flame…
 
i let my life melt into yours –
forgetting all the pain –
all the burns and scars of hurt –
you cover me
a desert –
 
for the first time –
feeling rain!
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seepage of your light

i cling to you like – spider webs –
you brush away!
i wrap myself inside your thoughts,
submerge myself within your silent eyes –
yet you don’t – see me,
don’t even – feel me…
 
how is it – my precious friend –
your life can be so – full,
so closed?
 
i take just so little room –
a hurried breath,
or thought,
or maybe just a simple – sigh!
 
please make some room for this scared dream –
or else – i die!
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more than much…

into this world we’re born –
craving affection –
warm caress,
open arms,
love…
 
and as we walk along life’s journey
we search for that – connection –
eyes that meet,
glance shared,
confirmation of mutual admiration…
 
yet –
it seems –
that if that touch,
that – embrace –
falls outside the paradigms of social acceptance –
we push away,
close doors,
retreat…
 
why is it –
my friend –
my feelings invade your – right?
my need exceeds your – allowed?
 
i have only everything to give to you –
sunlight on a cloudy day –
care, more than all of life’s unconcern –
and love –
pure as fire,
real as touch.
 
i only want to be that which you need –
all of want – more than much!
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show of supposed intention

i hear your words.
sympathy.
 
albeit contrived (it seems) compassion.
i even watch you manipulate gestures of benevolence.
tragic –
you declare.
so sad.
and yet the hands you could offer –
gesture of accommodation –
remain conveniently out of reach.
 
how is it –
my “friend”,
you cannot hear the transparency in your prearranged vows of (implied) solidarity?
 
i have to imagine you feel expunged from guilt –
eloquent expressions of religious conviction.
yet once the curtain closes on the show of your supposed intention;
just another empty stage.
and here.
contained within this cell of isolation –
silence thick as all alone.
 
and dark –
more deep than midnight without the promise of dawn…
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reflections: life before you

retrospect –
like chapters of a book –
already read –
scattered throughout,
blank pages…
no words,
no pictures,
no thoughts collecting –
memories.
where is it –
i have been?
what did i do,
or say –
who touched my life?
i find the time –
before you came –
unnecessary –
incomplete –
seemingly – non-existent,
as air you neither see –
nor feel.
as sound,
when non one’s listening!
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such (not) gentle hands…

i trusted you with my me,
opened all the doors,
threw away the locks of insecurity –
gazing now –
into the sun –
i find it –
mostly setting –
pulling with it,
down like tattered blinds upon broken windows,
all light,
all hope…
i trusted you with my heart –
gave in to weakness,
bottled up from years of – all alone.
how did i know –
you did not have such gentle hands…
and i would become indisposed –
naked and alone –
a shell –
with wishes never heard,
tossed lonely on an angry sea…
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deconstruction

you speak to me –
only with your eyes –
simple glance my way,
sensational as the shiver that a whisper brings…

so gracefully,
into my thoughts,
you settle in –
wrap the everything you are
around the all of what I am;
(only skin can understand close).

and while I may be nestled in
my barricade of –
survival,
you oh so effortlessly –
(leaves understand inability)
pull apart my walls of self-defense –
deconstruct my self-destruction…

compelling –
you are –
enticing me to fly on wings of possibility –
but I sit idle –
unable to escape from my cocoon –
(what is more splendid than butterfly wings?)

and watch,
what could be,
walk emphatically away!

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