Monthly Archives: September 2019

a most unnecessary war…

i suppose –
each span of time should be held with equal consideration.
what authority –
do we own –
allows discrimination of day,
of hour,
even moment of life?
 
at what point do we realize the blessing,
rather than lament the supposition of – (perceived) oppression?
birds fly and we envy their freedom.
the sun shines and we contemplate the suggestion of clouds.
we fill ourselves –
involuntarily –
with living,
yet commiserate with the eventuality of our demise.
 
indifference –
we wear,
as if it were our shield.
unaware.
ignorant of the possibility –
the only war –
waged willingly upon the plain of our inconsideration…
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abandon

i fear
that i will never understand from what authority –
you disallow?
 
how ludicrous –
the signs you post –
inscribed with such callous – un-intent!
 
sad,
it must be –
unable to respond –
responsible to guilt –
imprisoned inside a tomb – of should…
 
and while your hope floats away,
upon a breeze of – nonchalance –
my – could –
remains captive –
bound by chains unseen –
 
victim to your abrupt,
yet rehearsed,
 
abandon!
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disallowed

what purpose –
words.
 
manipulated expression designed to un-intend.
 
regardless the inquisition –
in spite of implied affirmation –
sometimes the only resolution comes from silence.
 
and if,
by chance –
you feel disconnected –
disallowed –
pushed outside the doorway of necessary,
perhaps your key was not designed to fit the lock –
 
just maybe,
the door was never meant to open…
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of paper umbrellas…

today i shared a moment in time with someone broken.
in that instant –
i lost my way –
stumbled upon my journey of faith.
 
it didn’t seem fair.
i was not prepared for the discomfort of that particular truth.
 
as i made my way –
reluctantly –
away from the ledge of doubt,
i realized the purpose for this particular process.
 
trust.
five letters.
no less than doubt,
but more than fear.
how was it i found my way through the maze of my insufficiency,
yet failed in my effort to assist a friend stranded along the way through theirs?
what value –
this armor of consideration?
what purpose –
hollow declarations of intent?
without conviction,
the words become useless as paper umbrellas in the rain.
 
today i ventured outside the sanctuary of my perceive.
 
today –
i finally understood the capacity –
 
of believe…
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rungs and necessary elements…

when if turns into is –
tomorrow,
yesterday –
i’ll still be waiting here for you,
midnight anticipating dawn…
 
long –
the shadows on the road –
with miles left yet to travel –
but i’ve grown weary of the journey…
 
time used to be a friend of mine –
until the days behind were greater than ahead.
 
quickly –
earnestly –
i grasp for one more rung on this ladder of my life –
ambitious –
determined –
seeking consistency
in a mercurial world…
 
can you reach out a hand today?
this friend indeed –
is more than just a friend in need –
and you,
much more than just the axis to a world
ever so quickly turning!
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ineptitude

 

preeminent misconception –
lonely,
does not rely on being –
alone…
days – there are –
sun shining,
not a single solitary cloud in the sky.
yet – shadows,
deep as midnight darkness –
(secrets hide in the dark,
gnashing their teeth –
overly animated and eager.)
at what moment did you decide –
indifference?
what memory – unsuppressed –
tipped the scale?
yesterday is mine.
holding your hand.
strolling through – uncertainty –
certain!
(i cannot explain sadness –
even gravity cannot hold so tight!).
if – as easy as making a wish –
you would come true –
i would not be on this bridge –
(solace when touching deep water…)
angry at myself for the need –
yet unable to refrain…
inadequacy:
the most un-healable pain!
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my alone

how simple,
but sublime –
to smile,
when sharing space,
inside your – you,
with lonely,
and afraid.
 
how –
em-pathetically –
courageous!
 
if only eyes could see the – feel,
distinguish between – superfluous,
and real,
then maybe – matter – would return…
 
surely there is nothing,
imagined,
nor real –
more lonely than the absence of touch…
 
you whisper your goodbye –
i scream –
my alone!
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who will fill the holes

voids –

spaces not filled –

empty – holes …

 

a glance –

eyes searching for confirmation,

not returned.

a hand – offered –

friendship –

given –

no takers…

 

sentences without punctuation.

and you –

the question i am not allowed to answer!

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some days – grace…

some days we find the space between our could be and our is –
a minefield of failed expectation-
enticing yet much too dangerous to cross.
the most difficult part lies in the un-knowing.
 
so instead of stepping out in faith,
we stand safe behind our fence of doubt –
imagine the freedom that must come with the passing.
 
today i stood –
once again –
on that path to unbecoming.
understanding the potential contained within that first step –
to disallow the author of regret to write another page in the book of me.
 
i thought about the lines –
monologue of disengage –
rehearsed a thousand times upon an empty stage.
irrelevant the absence of audience.
the words intentional.
agenda revealed.
 
this time –
one final curtain call.
and as i pushed with defiant deliberation upon the gate –
i felt the rush of emancipation.
no longer held captive by chains of indecision.
casting off the weight of can’t –
i traded could-be with can.
feelings of doubt exchanged without reluctance for the comfort of peace.
 
some days – we find exception to the rule of exist.
some days –
grace…
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loneliness (part 1)

and i –
your heroin have become.
accouterments of discontent –
the pain you feel – no one –
can understand…
 
emphatic –
to the definition of all alone –
you cling with defiance to your pain,
darkness – attached to night…
 
i wonder –
in your room of disallowed,
do shadows fall?
or is – perhaps – the sorrow so profound
no light dare enter in?
 
no setting sun.
no rising moon.
no longer stars in your midnight sky –
merely holes,
allowing darkness in…
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