Monthly Archives: February 2020

possibility of am…

i wonder,
how it would feel,
if at that point along your journey,
the option to allow yourself to be completely broken was given.
 
how incidental,
the situation –
to be picked up,
piece by piece –
reconstructed –
to become whole.
 
reassignment of your could have been,
into the possibility of –
am…
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where my will crashes into my was…

today – gone.
another rotation of this tremendous orb.
today i lingered too long in the foyer of could not – allowed time to steal away another farewell.
yet as i reminisced on the life of my already, i found reason to smile.
regardless the moments of masquerade –
even through the storms of suppose –
i found my way to the shore of this great sea of forgive.
and standing there – arms open wide – the essence of grace…

 

whatever thought of me stands in authority of your presume, i hope you understand the peace i feel in absence of concern.

 

there is this book i read.
from time to time.
pages worn.
cover tattered and torn.
notes and highlights from moments of enlightened sanctification.
and contained within the parables and psalms,
explanation for allowed incidence of disregard.

 

today i found exception to the rule of adequate.
today i found justification for perseverance.
today i found subterfuge in the camp of my alone.
today i found,
a friend.
and that has made all the difference…

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reverence in the presence of allowed…

 

no candles lit.

no celebration.

no revelation of dreams come true.

 


life begins and ends – 

regardless pageantry,  

in spite of pomp and circumstance. 

 


while accoutrements of consideration add a deviation to the rhythm, 

they alter not the designation of its passage.

true, 

we can argue the benefit of correspondence.

for purpose of justification, 

we can extol the value of accommodation. 

 


while some may find the journey cumbersome in their pursuit of a conceptualized destination, 

others engage in active pursuit of extracting every ounce of occupation from each moment traveled in time.

 


alas,

twilight.

fading flickers of light absorbed into the was.

and as i stand facing the horizon of a brand new is,

i realize the absence of anticipation. 

irrelevant –

the should-have –

the could-have – 

the did-not. 

all empty shells strewn upon an abandoned beach.

 


if allowed passage to the garden of tomorrow,

i will pursue with diligence the expectation of blessing –

reverence in the presence of allowed…

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hypocrisy

words,
we offer –
 
prayers for forgiveness.
dialogue for recompense.
 
heads bowed,
unintentional act of respect –
eyes closed,
irreverent –
surely there can be no penalty of judgment –
for crimes we choose not to see…
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broken

in your hands i find
no resolution –
pieces of hope offered,
with jagged edges…
 
and as i stand in line
for your consideration,
smothered by the weight
of indifference,
i realize too much the cost of resuscitation…
 
unavailable –
agenda much too full
for wasted time,
with that (myself)
which does not matter!
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someone Else’s shore

how great – to live another is,

unchained to why –

how awesome to – un-become…

un-tethered,

i would roam the sky –

high above the angry sea –

lose myself in currents

of reprieve…

believe – i would no longer

need –

insignificantly – culpable;

unnecessarily – obtrude!

and life –

as relatively – perceived –

could be no more.

sweet freedom –

from the baggage of was,

insignificant as broken shells

on someone Else’s shore…

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in memory….

i watch the swing
sway gently in the breeze –
placed here –
unmoving in my chair,
beside the window.
 
i feel as tho my very life is still
as if every moving thing has stopped,
save the deafening click of the clocks immortal ticking!
 
you used to sit there,
hands gripped tightly to the chains,
going higher,
and faster –
singing –
really living.
 
i used to sit here and watch the sun gleam ,
in your hair –
imagine myself – in you…
 
i watch the swing
sway gently –
and then – stop.
and deep within my heart –
i feel the cold –
freezing –
filling up every inch of my soul.
 
i watch you –
lying –
no response,
no expression –
i scream a million prayers,
but no sound will come.
 
i flood my soul with hurt –
but my eyes remain – dry!
 
i kill myself within,
so i may lie with you,
beside you –
but all i do is live.
 
i wish you back –
again,
and again –
but you return – no more –
to my now still – swing…
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on the road from re-probation to redemption

concern,
or obligation?
compassion,
or prayer for judgment?
i hear you speak words of sympathy in regard to incarceration of addiction.
and yet i fail to feel conviction in your offering of feigned commiseration.
i suppose,
to understand the is of someone’s habit,
one must have lived the was of their own.
presumptuous,
don’t you think,
alms offered for atonement of sins supposed?
on what platform of implied accommodation do you feel justified offering allegiance?
 
prayers i hear –
utterance of intercession.
yet there you stand –
un-kneeled –
eyes un-closed,
hands un-folded.
 
and from the words you speak –
no consolation,
no reprieve.
to enter heaven crawling –
pleading mercy –
unclothed of all but humility;
more appropriate ending to my life –
than concealed in robes of presume,
carried ceremoniously unaffected
down the corridors of hell…
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into the desolation

solitude –
precursor to loneliness.
 
disassociation of self –
from soul.
 
plunged head first –
into this desolation…
 
where do you turn to find
acceptance –
what price – the need?
 
compassion comes,
but not without cost.
 
smiles –
transparent,
masking pain –
unrealized.
 
abandon –
cruel nemesis to faith,
prevails –
 
hurt sustains!
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a most unnecessary war…

i suppose –
each span of time should be held with equal consideration.
what authority –
do we own –
allows discrimination of day,
of hour,
even moment of life?
 
at what point do we realize the blessing,
rather than lament the supposition of – (perceived) oppression?
birds fly and we envy their freedom.
the sun shines and we contemplate the suggestion of clouds.
we fill ourselves –
involuntarily –
with living,
yet commiserate with the eventuality of our demise.
 
indifference –
we wear,
as if it were our shield.
unaware.
ignorant of the possibility –
the only war –
waged willingly upon the plain of our inconsideration…
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