Monthly Archives: March 2020

possibility of am…

i wonder,
how it would feel,
if at that point along your journey,
the option to allow yourself to be completely broken was given.
 
how incidental,
the situation –
to be picked up,
piece by piece –
reconstructed –
to become whole.
 
reassignment of your could have been,
into the possibility of –
am…
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indifference revisited

unable –
sad word –
thrown carelessly into the wind…
 
inability –
chosen –
not a consequence,
rather,
a decision…
 
you take from me all that you need –
leave hulls of hope scattered on the floor –
and i am just too weak from wanting more
to sweep,
or even care!
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absence of belonging

 

un-found –

not lost –

the difference in the 

absence of belonging…

longing for –

that which you cannot have –

smile returned,

touch received,

void filled…

alone –

i was –

before i thought you found me,

long before i dreamed you –

cared,

believed…

how easy to release –

it seems,

regardless how far the fall –

not even the absence of a net deters the craving…

this lonely life – spent in the shadows,

eyes open,

scanning the horizon –

knees bent –

prayers sent –

all in vain!

 

your footsteps echo down the corridor,

long passageway of lonely –

leading you away –

from me –

 

all things good un-gravitate –

un-attach –

leave me –

undefined,

un-entwined with life…

need –

grasping at threads of hope –

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sorrow in the knowing

i simply –
do not understand –
in-difference!
it seems to me,
we’d be better served –
by honesty…
 
what is it about me,
my – self,
causes you such intense,
refrain?
 
nothing –
in this world –
perceived;
nothing – imagined – true –
nothing i would consider;
conceive – to do,
that would alter my perception of – you…
 
brighter than the brightest sun –
more dark than night –
your enigmatic – obscurity;
my addiction –
ignites…
 
how is it –
i know you like – feeling,
like – seeing,
like – touch,
yet you,
simply – hear?
 
(sorrow in the knowing;
want,
versus need…)
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the wages of…

can’t take a small nowhere,
when somewhere grand – i am!
can’t unknow –
the knowing,
abandon – belief!
 
if living is dying –
and death sets us free,
why captive – this me –
just – alive?
 
erroneous,
agree?
uncontained – we imagine,
 
yet imprisoned – are we…
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mid-life

age –
simply defined;
a collection of years,
or perhaps –
seasons.
society puts up fences –
youth here,
old age there,
either, or…
 
i find my place neither
in, nor out –
and so i sit upon the fence –
dangling my feet,
and my heart,
in both pastures.
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at the mourning of our was

alone.
we enter.
regardless accommodation of companion during the hyphen between,
the dates that serve as bookends to our existence inclusive to us –
ours,
alone.
 
what purpose then,
the becoming?
castles made of colored sand still suffer denigration by the tide.
and what of this game of charades –
companion?
for all the effort involved in allowing –
no guarantee of dividend paid –
much less ample return on investment.
 
irrelevant the assemblage at the mourning of our was.
alone.
we exit.
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hiding behind the …

my feelings –
alien to you as much as – secure is to timid,
shatter like shards of glass against your narcissistic walls…
 
how awesome,
it must be –
being you;
how – required!
 
pompous as an apostrophe –
owning possession,
and the power to unite –
yet completely – unaffected!
 
and while you dangle effortless,
unencumbered –
I remain tied to the weight of my own culpability.
 
necessary,
you are –
more than any imagined ownership.
for without you,
meaning is lost;
and I become irrelevant as a useless preposition –
alone – without the companion of my most reluctant,
 
yet oh so necessary –
object…
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the gift

 

life has a way of teaching lessons when appropriate,

not always when we feel the need to learn.

for some of us,

humility is much too restrictive –

a garment we feel inappropriate –

out of style.

funny,

don’t you think –

self-proclaimed autonomy?

 


we decide who wins –

who loses?

how condescending and disproportionately opaque!

 


our goal,

fervent desire,

should be to live a life transparent.

or even somewhat magnified.

allowing more light to escape than that which enters in.

to learn the greatest gift,

 

comes when we comprehend the blessing we receive from giving…

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somewhat grey

incidental
yet so real –
to not be seen,
in ones recovery…
 
enigmatic as sight
must seem,
to one who cannot see!
 
how did the great,
become –
recumbent,
good?
 
night used to shower us in starlight;
prelude to morning sun…
ostentatious as full-moon!
but now,
there is no hole in the shroud of darkness…
and finding our – selves –
all alone,
intensifies the insecurity…
 
life raft – lost at sea.
addiction,
without the comfort of –
an addict!
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