Monthly Archives: March 2020

loneliness (part 1)

and i –
your heroin have become.
accoutrement of discontent –
the pain you feel – no one –
can understand…
 
emphatic –
to the definition of all alone –
you cling with defiance to your pain,
darkness – attached to night…
 
i wonder –
in your room of disallowed,
do shadows fall?
or is – perhaps – the sorrow so profound
no light dare enter in?
 
no setting sun.
no rising moon.
no longer stars in your midnight sky –
merely holes,
allowing darkness in…
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faith

sitting on the shore –
watching reflections on the water;
yellow sun,
blue sky –
solitary bird flying into the horizon…
 
how small –
am i –
in a world so big,
how insignificant…
 
why do i wake?
routinely do the things i do?
for what purpose?
 
i throw a stone into the water –
causing ripples –
disturbing the placid serenity –
and for a moment – i am known!
but the water is deep,
my pebble – oh so small –
and once again –
the surface still…
 
i cannot believe that there is no tomorrow –
no sunrise chasing night –
no need to – believe…
 
for surely –
God – in all his greatness –
created more than this small holder of dreams –
and even when i cease to be –
in this place –
i will most surely – rise again!
 
great is my faith –
oh so strong my belief!
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the same as – always – us

imagine this –
touch,
without feel…
 
un-know
the un-truth
that all at once, no longer matters.
for,
gone is now –
the yesterday of your –
tomorrow;
the – reality – of your – is…
 
subtle,
don’t you think?
the way it,
becomes was?
and yet we feel,
the same as – always – us!
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gregarious – assiduous – raisonde’tre; You…

incidentally –
you,
reconstruct the broken –
remand the lies, to truth…
 
effortless as –
breathe,
yet more required!
tangible –
yet restrained.
unassumingly – understanding…
 
how is it –
there can be – debate,
supposition,
disbelief,
in the plausibility of my need,
for your existence?
 
unobtrusive as dawn,
you force the darkness into light.
eliminate – might.
replace – could-be – with is!
 
captive,
am i –
paralyzed by your compassion.
in awe –
of your most enigmatic –
consideration!
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silence in the pause

lost –
somewhere between used-to-be,
and now.
stumbling over words – unsaid…
 
where did it go,
the want to –
the have-to-have –
the so much more than just enough?
 
unrecognized – now.
frayed-edged photos fading into forgotten snapshots of was.
echo’s of laughter,
diminished by the somber cadence of time…
 
and from eyes once flowing waterfalls of light,
not one single tear.
 
listen –
hear the loneliness in the pause –
between the life of my hello –
and the death by implication,
in the absence of your goodbye.
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selfish

agenda’s.
segments of life planned with purpose – intent.
audacious.
implied autonomy over purpose.
sometimes events follow sequence.
sometimes –
the train they occupy ends up derailed.
and while we stop to gather up the broken pieces of should,
we realize with discontent the ignorance of our assume.
more valuable –
deposits of relevance made to banks of could,
rather than wasted on accoutrements of selfishly worn suppose.
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when no birds sing…

poems.

thoughts splattered like visual graffiti on the walls of imagination.

some acute.

some profound.

some with less than good intention.

most – often overlooked, 

unless stumbled upon –

whispers of wisdom drowned by the shouts of tempestuous mediocrity.

 

and here,

on the shore of my life’s ocean,

footprints ending in the surf,

shells –

hollow – 

withholding memories never shared…

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awakening

some days,
stand out as beacons along the timeline of our lives.
perhaps occasion worthy of remembrance.
maybe a moment of blessing in a season of chaos.
sometimes,
however,
the monument is not viewed from perspective of celebration.
it seems those days we struggle just to survive.
take refuge in the darkness – path of least resistance.
finding it easier to allow than to defy,
we close our eyes –
wear the shame of defeat…
and yet –
if we were to stand against the waves –
place with deliberation our foundation upon the shore –
what would it matter – the tide?
as quickly as it approaches,
it departs.
and even though the surge rushes to the shore –
it simply cannot overcome the boundaries of allowed.
so too fear.
entity of can’t and will not.
demagogue of dissonance.
king of should have been – without a throne –
bashed by the waves upon rocks of will become.
scattered as broken light upon a placid sea –
memory fading with each dying ember –
consumed within the silence of forget.
and on the horizon –
setting sun –
waking with fingers of twilight –
from dreams of peaceful sleep –
the prelude to our new tomorrow –
wrapped –
ever so secure –
opportunity –
from the resting bed of night…
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malady of assume

i will surrender –
allow silence to enter the realm of my consideration.
not that i’ve emptied the vat of thought.
rest assured there is chaos yet to corral –
imaginings to share –
inferences to propose.
in time.
just not tonight.
 
i would suggest,
however,
opinion kept in check.
sometimes more is said with silence than ramblings of un-intent.
perhaps a conversation –
cut short –
left fragments of suppose scattered along the floor of deliberation.
or,
possibly,
attention was not paid in full –
recipient left holding hands full of not quite enough.
 
so eagerly we hand out labels of indifference.
cast stones of unconcern.
yet fail to recognize our own misappropriation of bias –
fall victim to the malady of assume…
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perhaps ignored…

questions unanswered.
a lifetime of contemplated what-if’s.
presumptions –
insinuations –
allegations substantiated?
or denied?
 
at what point in the evolution of our us,
did we stumble upon the arrogance of autonomy?
 
signs of welcome we hang outside our door.
enter here!
come inside!
take shelter from the storm.
but just as the rain sets in,
we pull the plug;
no room at this inn…
 
how sad,
to find at this juncture,
closed doors.
when with such little effort the lock could be removed.
 
what’s that?
i thought i heard you saying prayers – counting blessings.
surely it was just the moaning of the wind.
 
obstinate –
one would presume –
the image of yet another self-proclaimed demagogue sequestered in a sanctuary of self –
while just outside the door –
clinging to the tattered remnants of hope,
a lost and lonely soul –
just within reach of salvation,
cries –
unheard.
or perhaps –
 
simply ignored…
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