Monthly Archives: May 2020

somewhat grey

incidental
yet so real –
to not be seen,
in ones recovery…
 
enigmatic as sight
must seem,
to one who cannot see!
 
how did the great,
become –
recumbent,
good?

night used to shower us in starlight;
prelude to morning sun…
ostentatious as full-moon!
but now,
there is no hole in the shroud of darkness…
and finding our – selves –
all alone,
intensifies the insecurity…
 
life raft – lost at sea.
addiction,
without the comfort of –
an addict!
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all at once – alone…

5-31-61
my moment of glory.
a mere drop in the ocean of time.
for what it’s worth,
the entrance was no less grand than
that of Mendelssohn,
or Debussy,
or even – van Gogh!
the difference, however,
realized now in retrospect,
occurring over the
span of time –
My life…
 
culling through the memories,
picking out the fond ones to savor,
the hulls to cast aside –
i find few to etch in stone.
like the spider spinning his web,
all it takes is a strong wind,
and all at once –
alone!
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disallowed

what purpose –
words.
 
manipulated expression designed to un-intend.
 
regardless the inquisition –
in spite of implied affirmation –
sometimes the only resolution comes from silence.
 
and if,
by chance –
you feel disconnected –
disallowed –
pushed outside the doorway of necessary,
perhaps your key was not designed to fit the lock –
 
just maybe,
the door was never meant to open…
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need to be

forever does not consume me –
that span of time i cannot comprehend..
i focus on the now,
this moment…
 
you invade my – now –
standing in the doorway,
allowing no escape…
 
and so inside this room of possibility i remain –
trapped –
yet unafraid…
 
you,
need to be in control –
 
i just need to be…
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(un)truth

i allow myself to be small –
enough to hide behind,
suppose…
safe within the confines
of – should be.
while you –
inflated by winds of –
possibility,
roam effortlessly,
my sky…
audacious –
don’t you think?
invading my nonchalance?
with your –
obtuse – insinuations?
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nothing

we hold on to our pain –
sometimes the only thing we feel –
scared to let it go,
afraid of – nothing…
 
empty –
a vessel of capability,
unfilled;
hands reaching for intention,
unrecognized…

so cold – the absence
of light;
no darkness more deep
than feeling all alone.
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behind the looking glass

and in the space –

behind the mirror –

your – unafraid –

encouraged my – inability.

as years of hiding in the dark

left me,

weak,

incapable…

 

how arduous,

this task.

reflecting;

not fondly on the journey.

rather,

as the surface of a most placid sea –

showing merely the reflection

of what

you expect to see…

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silence, before the phrase [Proverbs 17:28]

and then sometimes, it’s the simplicity of the lyric –
unobtrusive cadence –
silence –
before the phrase…
 
i tend to look for that same – (in)equality in life.
so many times we over-quantify our justification.
presume preeminent jurisprudence when in fact,
we own less than assumed autonomy over our purpose.
how ostentatious –
contrived –
hypocritically pronounced!
 
surely, you do not imagine yourself – higher than –
greater – than –
(self-proclaimed -) elitist – do you?
 
temporal –
with such sinful disregard,
you flaunt your affected – morality…
flagrantly inept,
you deconstruct the foundation of believability –
simply by assuming yourself – the axis!
 
spoiler alert –
this world does not –
even remotely –
revolve –
around – you!
 
(you surmise my silence implies ignorance,
yet you speak, and remove all doubt…)
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a most unnecessary war…

 

i suppose –

each span of time should be held with equal consideration.

what authority –

do we own –

allows discrimination of day,

of hour,

even moment of life?

 

at what point do we realize the blessing,

rather than lament the supposition of – (perceived) oppression?

birds fly and we envy their freedom.

the sun shines and we contemplate the suggestion of clouds.

we fill ourselves –

involuntarily –

with living,

yet commiserate with the eventuality of our demise.

 

indifference –

we wear,

as if it were our shield.

unaware.

ignorant of the possibility –

the only war –

waged willingly upon the plain of our inconsideration…

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seepage of your light

i cling to you like – spider webs –
you brush away!
 
i wrap myself inside your thoughts,
submerge myself within your silent eyes –
yet you don’t – see me,
don’t even – feel me…,
 
how is it – my precious friend –
your life can be so – full,
so closed?
 
i take just so little room –
a hurried breath,
or thought,
or maybe just a simple – sigh!
 
please make some room for this scared dream –
or else – i die!
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