wanting more than less –

needing more than have –

i find my life in shadow,

standing still…

 

consumed by doubt –

entombed within the walls of disbelief –

i feel the madness creep

into my living,

forcing me to contemplate my fate.

 

do i seek refuge here

in dying’s harbor?

commit to nothing –

become un-done?

 

how simple then,

the letting go –

no need –

for need,

no longing –

to belong…

 

so sweet the peace that

must come with the passing.

so great the un-weight,

un-encumbered –

un-entwined –

the soul,

aged captive –

finally free…

what is it,

defines distinction between what we wish for –

what we dream about –

what we desire,

and what we actually receive?

 

so often we stumble upon others that seem headed in the same direction.

for a while,

the journey seems less difficult –

less lonely.

it’s during those times we tend to allow interaction without reservation.

we become so caught up in our own preconceived notion of camaraderie

that we open doors without contemplating the what if…

 

what if we realize we were merely filler.

what if we come to understand we really don’t hold elevation over anything –

merely option one step above probability of nothing?

what if we recognize the time wasted was never intended to actually matter?

 

i have no doubt tomorrow will arrive.

i believe the sun will shine –

even if wearing temporary distraction of clouds.

i know without the shadow of a doubt,

the God that created my situation,

will still control the outcome of my reality.

and even as i wrap my head around the truth that i am replaceable –

regardless my tenure in the temporary temple of companionship –

the cycle of life continues on.

 

i suppose there are things more detrimental than being alone.

i suppose there are feelings more cumbersome than isolation.

i suppose there is absence of life,

camouflaged indifference –

more counterfeit than simulated appearance of living…