i suppose -
each span of time should be held with equal consideration.
what authority -
do we own -
allows discrimination of day,
of hour,
even moment of life?


at what point do we realize the blessing,
rather than lament the supposition of - (perceived) oppression?
birds fly and we envy their freedom.
the sun shines and we contemplate the suggestion of clouds.
we fill ourselves -
involuntarily -
with living,
yet commiserate with the eventuality of our demise.


indifference -
we wear,
as if it were our shield.
unaware.
ignorant of the possibility -
the only war -
waged willingly upon the plain of our inconsideration...

today i walked through fields of used to be acquaintance. 
and while the road was still familiar, 
the landscape -
i no longer recognized. 
well-worn paths traveled in different seasons,
now unaware of anything passing  
other than time. 

in place of meadows bursting green with gift of life -
only silent wind-blown fields,
holding fading memories of being alive. 
and  where once i found the gate to paradise, 
now only broken remnants of speculation... 

you seem surprised. 
no absolution sought for act of disconnection? 
no predetermined propaganda - 
distortion of the truth? 
funny how choosing the longer route home 
is met with such opposition. 
perhaps your logic can enlighten me?

the distance - 
you say - 
provokes the heart to grow fonder. 
if so, 
why nearly silent the sound of mine - 
barely beating?"

we find ourselves sometimes just outside the circle of accepted.
even though we may have at one time participated in activities of similarity,
recurring invitation to camaraderie is left unsent.
what then?
how do we overcome the feelings of exclusion?
how can we reaffirm our self-worth when left isolated -
bargain rack in the mall of popularity?


so easy, it becomes,
conforming to agenda of indifference.
no regret.
no apathy by proxy.
and as the days go by,
the loneliness becomes expected -
accepted.

flimsy as maybe -
unstable as if -
your promise floats above me,
just out of reach...


perhaps you feel the effort
more important than the feel,
suppose - more necessary than real.


intentions - undefined -
your non-touch
un-opens me.


while you roam effortlessly from your dreams,
you keep me tightly clasped -
to mine...

i will surrender -
allow silence to enter the realm of my consideration.
not that i've emptied the vat of thought.
rest assured there is chaos yet to corral -
imaginings to share -
inferences to propose.
in time.
just not tonight.


i would suggest,
however,
opinion kept in check.
sometimes more is said with silence than ramblings of un-intent.
perhaps a conversation -
cut short -
left fragments of suppose scattered along the floor of deliberation.
or,
possibly,
attention was not paid in full -
recipient left holding hands full of not quite enough.

so eagerly we hand out labels of indifference.
cast stones of unconcern.
yet fail to recognize our own misappropriation of bias -
fall victim to the malady of assume...

misled -
sometimes - 
by the cover. 
assumption - 
until the book is read. 

when taken out of context, 
terms of endearment can be misconstrued - 
labeled incredulous facsimiles of compassion.
or even  more absurd - 
perversion of benevolence - 
disfigured presentation of affection. 

by what authority are robes of discernment worn?
if judgment were allowed simply stated, 
what integrity would there be in contradiction? 

opinion would linger no longer than ripples from stones thrown in the water.
so soon - 
the rock forgotten - 

just as quickly as even memory of the splash... 

for what it's worth. 
absolutely subjective. 
opinions vary in regards to value. 
and basically, 
at the end of the day, 
what does it matter? 

rest assured - 
the challenge is not contained within my understanding of your perception -
but more appropriately stated - 
in your reaction to my indifference to your presume!

i know this stretch of highway well.
i've traveled this winding road.
the curves that lead to where darkness lives -
the no-outlets -
desperation...

i've been where you currently hide.
scratched my name on that same wall of sorrow.
imagined the comfort of care.
and even now, on that very ledge of contemplation -
with the wind of indifference suggesting you just let go -
become undone -
i know...

sometimes in life we find the journey too long between rests.
sometimes - too intense.
sometimes,
lonely.
but what we fail to realize,
is just how much strength we show when at our weakest.

it's in those moments of complete despair,
those moments of uncertainty,
those moments of - fear,
that we offer up our most sincere us.

when everything that confines -
restricts -
disables -
is stripped away -
then,
and only then,
can we come to terms with what defines us.

and sometimes,
even when we wish it were not so,
we find ourselves holding hands with hope.
and as hard as we try -
despite the diligence of our no -
the perseverance of our will,
to not -
we care...

in that moment we understand the blessing.
in that perfect moment -
we appreciate the gift.

what feeling more complete than joy from pain -
smiles from tears -
accommodation of shelter -
when lost and oh so lonely -
abandoned (it seems) -
in the rain...

you speak to me –
only with your eyes –
simple glance my way,
sensational as the shiver that a whisper brings…

so gracefully,
into my thoughts,
you settle in –
wrap the everything you are
around the all of what I am;
(only skin can understand close).

and while I may be nestled in
my barricade of –
survival,
you oh so effortlessly –
(leaves understand inability)
pull apart my walls of self-defense –
deconstruct my self-destruction…


compelling –
you are –
enticing me to fly on wings of possibility –
but I sit idle –
unable to escape from my cocoon –
(what is more splendid than butterfly wings?)

and watch,
what could be,
walk emphatically away!

entangled in
my now -
entwined within
my what-will-be,
you...
an anchor fastened to my heart -
essential as even -
air.


what was life before
you -
who drew the line
between indifferent -
and necessary?


was there sunlight -
or did the night - so nonchalant
just close his eyes -
allowing day...


i cherish moments
filled with oh-so--much of you,
grateful -
yet undeserving...