today i placed you
in my box of death -
closed the lid -
allowed your darkness,
absence - from my light...

bundled up,
with ribbons of regret,
i laid your sorrow by the door –
safe outside the fortress of my heart.

silent –
contained inside my chamber of refrain –
i watched the raindrops attach themselves to windows – closed,
clinging with cold deliberation to the glass…

today i placed your memory
where the shadows grow –
waited without sound –
allowed the silence audience in the arena of despair.

today –
i lingered for a moment more
upon the shore of your demise.
said my farewells –
loosened chains of regret,
and in that instant of your escape,
this captive heart,
realized,
for the first time,
how it felt to be finally set free…

___________________________________________

 sometimes i visit the shore,
 where my will crashes into my was.
 i  suppose the possibility exists that you just don't understand that concept, 
 or perhaps haven't found desire to travel to that particular destination.

 with the same amount of abandon you choose to deflect; i crave.
 the anticipation more impacting than any supposed drug of choice.

 i watch your eyes as i speak to my conviction. pay close attention to the subtlety of your distance.
 i wonder how it feels to understand boundaries.
 i desperately try to wrap my head around the acceptability of is; 
 my insatiable; never satisfied -
 always picking at the scab of could have been -
 often, drowning in the sea of if...

today i stood - knee deep in the waves - gazing into the setting sun. 
i imagined the sound - unavoidable hiss, as it kissed the relentless sea. 
in that moment - i understood peace.

today i, stood. 
and as the waves pounded against my defense, 
i felt the burden of can't slip away.

I will admit, in that instant, a shiver of fear found refuge;
attached itself to the sinking buoy of doubt. 
remarkable - 
however -
the deep;
accepting the refuse of regret - returning the surface, still.

today, i stood.
and instead of looking away - 
ashamed of my suppose -
i gazed with wonder past the sea of refrain,
reached out,
unafraid -
embraced the very essence of can.

today i visited the shore,
and found,
me...

broken,

some would say of themselves.

others,

slightly bent. 


either way - 

admission of irregularity. 

and while some may disrespect the autonomy of deviation, 

their denigration clearly defines the defect of their own design. 


i once shared companion with others lost in the darkness. 

as hard as we tried, 

it seemed there was no option of escape. 

imagine the freedom - 

stumbling into the light!


tonight - 

while graciously aware of my blessing - 

i find myself traveling dangerously close to the shadows. 

perhaps my journey realigned - 

not to derail my diligence - 

delivery from countries of indiscretion,

but champion to the disengaged - 

option of allegiance - 

soldier of compassion in the battle against the demons of despair...