Author Archives: boyfrommville

to become

what if –
the bridge between
is,
and possibilities…
 
to linger in the now –
face down,
drowning in regret –
requires too much of not enough.
 
i choose face up –
forward motion.
 
captivated by might,
fueled by could –
my journey started yesterday,
with just one step
past accept!
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broken still

i hear your sadness
screaming through the silence…
 
big sky –
little moon –
somewhere on the other side of my world,
you –
behind the clouds…
 
what absence do you run from –
what darkness terror
keeps you locked away?
 
safe inside your guarded walls
i cannot reach you…
 
what feeling worse than lonely –
what pain more real than
breaking heart,
outstretched hand – empty –
unanswered prayer…
 
broken still –
emotion spilled into a void –
longing cuts like shards of glass –
the soul…
 
you are my pain,
and passion,
self-contained!
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unbecoming

wanting more than less –
needing more than have –
i find my life in shadow,
standing still…
 
consumed by doubt –
entombed within the walls of disbelief –
i feel the madness creep
into my living,
forcing me to contemplate my fate.
 
do i seek refuge here
in dyeing’s harbor?
commit to nothing –
become UN-done?
 
how simple then,
the letting go –
no need –
for need,
no longing –
to belong…
 
so sweet the peace that
must come with the passing.
 
so great the un-weight,
un-encumbered –
un-entwined –
the soul,
aged captive –
finally free…
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obligations of grey.

preoccupied.
unavailable.
agenda –
over-full…
 
it seems we simply exist –
to exist.
black and white priorities muted to obligations of grey.
we enter auditoriums of suppose,
yet exit before encores of know.
ignorant to ownership of capability –
obtusely self-absorbed!
 
with characters flawed from addictions to same,
we fall in line –
paupers by convenience –
reciting litany’s to camouflage our disdain.
and yet,
when offered avenues of alteration,
deny with apoplectic revulsion accommodation to insinuation of refrain.
 
obedient,
we have become,
to complacency.
prisoners to indifference –
 
unaware we hold keys to the locks of our self-imposed commonality…
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of Christians – indisposed.

we are not sent into the darkness.
there is no crime committed from platform of unforgiven.
no matter how far we stray from a destination of good,
we are never truly lost.
 
regardless our acts of careless abandon.
in spite of our behavior –
reckless indiscretion –
we hold within the fabric of our being,
guarantee of freedom –
pardon for sins we’ve yet to commit.
 
callous –
with less than intentional conviction –
fabricated semblance of faith –
we stand defiant in the face of chaos we most surely designed,
yet refuse to kneel on alters we demand.
 
foolishly indignant –
testify in courts of contradiction –
oblivious to our flagrant acts of treason –
forged certificates of Christianity in one hand –
while the other holds a hammer and three nails..
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stories that begin with us

and there –
written hastily on flashcards of presume –
our good intentions.
so eager to share,
we flash them without hesitation.
regardless the level of acceptance,
we feel redeemed –
vindicated.
how can it be –
we ask –
reception of indifference?
was it less than the necessary more?
edges too exposed?
what purpose –
pursuit of accommodation –
when left standing just outside the door of acceptance?
surely there is nothing more sad than stories that begin with us,
yet end with –
they…
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to nothing…

to make it stop.
the endless sound of waves upon the shore.
the hissing of the setting sun – sliding without reluctance into the sea.
the wailing of the dying – day –
sad victim to the night.
to simply make it –
stop.
 
in the sweet escape of that moment –
removed from the evidence of sound –
no contemplation of why,
or what,
or even reference to suppose.
 
in that sacred situation of nothing –
to merely – be.
 
how seductive – thoughts of unbecoming.
to exit – quiet – from the courtroom of disallowed.
free at last from chains of should.
unbound – no longer – by petitions of presume.
pardoned from occurrence of something –
unobliged –
obligated to –
nothing…
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i – in bondage…

what i saw in you –
i needed to see in me.
and what i felt for you –
was what was missing from my life.
 
like a hand given –
but not taken,
a glance –
not returned…
 
desperation –
a weight – too heavy for this heart to hold,
chains of bondage –
locked tight,
and you,
 
the key!
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silence from another room

waiting for the silence from another room.
the absence of arbitration.
inviting the cold disconnect of solitude –
the comfort of alone.

 

too often we gather in congregation of suppose.
disallow our words the freedom of truth.
and finding ourselves surrounded by assembly of deceive,
we trade our identity for the vanity of same.

 

how can it be –
this miracle of life –
this singular celebration of creation –
can somehow become so much less than allowed?

 

instead of stepping up to challenge adversary of deception,
we hide behind our banners of indifference –
feigned allegiance to (counterfeit) conviction.
yet when we find ourselves alone –
exposed –
wearing only garments of insignificance –
we shout from platform of contempt –
challenge delegation of discrimination.

 

uncomfortable –
wearing shoes that do not fit,

 

walking reluctantly through minefields of indiscretion –
conveniently hidden just under the surface of your regret.

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on a visit to the shore…

sometimes i visit the shore,
where my will crashes into my was.
i suppose the possibility exists that you just don’t understand that concept,
or perhaps haven’t found desire to travel to that particular destination.
 
with the same amount of abandon you choose to deflect; i crave.
the anticipation more impacting than any supposed drug of choice.
 
i watch your eyes as i speak to my conviction. pay close attention to the subtlety of your distance.
i wonder how it feels to understand boundaries.
i desperately try to wrap my head around the acceptability of is;
my insatiable; never satisfied –
always picking at the scab of could have been –
often, drowning in the sea of if…
 
today i stood – knee deep in the waves – gazing into the setting sun.
i imagined the sound – unavoidable hiss, as it kissed the relentless sea.
in that moment – i understood peace.
 
today i, stood.
and as the waves pounded against my defense,
i felt the burden of can’t slip away.
 
I will admit, in that instant, a shiver of fear found refuge;
attached itself to the sinking buoy of doubt.
remarkable –
however –
the deep;
accepting the refuse of regret – returning the surface, still.
 
today, i stood.
and instead of looking away –
ashamed of my suppose –
i gazed with wonder past the sea of refrain,
reached out,
unafraid –
embraced the very essence of can.
 
today i visited the shore,
and found,
me…
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