(derogatory)

your remarks invade the tranquility of space reserved for angels…

who –

regardless your opinion (all opinion is null)

do exist!

here –

come here –

if you dare embark upon the journey;

clear sky –

over hills and plains,

dark valleys….

(to find me –

you first must look…)

i am not he who cowers behind the trees –

no cloak of darkness do i need –

fear – i do not carry on my shoulders…

the armor – once vital –

i have now thrown away –

for words are all you have,

barbs of anguish you hurl at me…

but see –

they

     fall

          like

               feathers

                    on the

                         ground –

silent,

no sound –

save the sighing of pity…

listen –

hear ambivalence take it’s dying breath –

and then,

that sweet peaceful quiet –

interrupted only by the brush of angels wings…

(safe i am – indeed!)

and so you see yourself a demagogue…

how obtrude of you!

carelessly thrown barbs of defamation. mistreatment even for a mongrel.

how can it be we breathe the same air?

i do not think that if i live to see a century pass that i will understand –

your intent (deranged, even by Dante’s standard)…

and while you spend your time plotting your next attack,

i run full-speed into anonymity –

(how can you find a shadow in the dark?)

misunderstanding

is becomes was –
this moment,
a memory.
time passes – regardless the level of involvement.
words you said;
muted colors on a distant canvas –
messages blurred like watercolor in the rain…

once –
on a journey into your garden –
i thought i heard the sound of humming birds –
a thousand butterfly wings creating a melancholy chorus –
and then,
silence…

would this wound heal faster if self-inflicted?
the pain –
less intense?
your departure – more justified?

i guess that i will never know
the answer to the question of you;
(only sky can understand the sun).
reason –
distant mountaintop – i fear i can never reach…

valentines (every) day…

today i take a minute to speak to the passing of time. from morning to night. day to week. week to month. month to year… sometimes you just have to step outside the “now” and reflect on the “then”… valentines day 2013 – man-made holiday to honor the one you love. i just feel it should be everyday and not just February 14th. but, being a member of a society that places so much emphasis on “special” days i too fall victim to the pageantry. for me, 2013 is the year i will celebrate (if allowed to live until may 31st) my 52nd year of life. i will be blessed to witness the 30th, 26th, and 22nd birthdays of my children. and, since this post is about the “day of love”, 2013 is the 38th anniversary of the day i met my wife.
the story goes…
my brother (4 years older and i use the term only in the biological sense), had asked his girlfriend to go to the church valentines banquet. she accepted but with the stipulation that he would find someone that she knew to accompany them. after considering the options they decided to introduce me to her cousin and we would go as a foursome. they shared photos with the two of us and we both agreed. i will never forget that moment when i was introduced to Belinda. she was wearing a long white dress with a red ribbon. being native American Indian i was captivated by her dark skin eyes and hair. what i didn’t share with her (nor anyone else), was the overwhelming feeling that this was the person i would spend my adult life with. now keep in mind i was 13 and she was 12 and speaking of “adult” life was not first date conversation. we rode (silently) in the back seat of his mustang and arrived at the church for the banquet. the meal was spaghetti (remember, she was wearing a white dress and the thought of ruining it with spaghetti stains must have been very nerve-racking for her) and everyone played a game of “Bible trivia”. of course we won (had to impress her) and before long it was time to go home. my brother’s girlfriend (later became his wife) was insistent on us having a good night kiss (we both ignored her urging) and i said goodbye to my “date”. fast-forward 6 years and now Lin (shortened name her friends/family called her), wanted me to escort her to her senior prom. i accepted the invite and thus began several years of “courting” that ultimately led to our marriage and the rest is history.
now 38 years later… 30 years of marriage.. 3 children… and a lifetime of memories… i count my blessings every day. people ask me why i always say (when asked “how are you”) that i am awesome.. other than the fact that awesome ends in “me”, i have to pay tribute to the fact that first and foremost i woke up… and that i have been blessed beyond measure with someone that has stuck with me through more upheavals and turmoil than any one person should ever have to endure. this God sent angel has mothered 3 amazing children and literally kept me from jumping from the ledge more times than i can count. while i don’t write about my feelings for her as much as i should, i want to say today that without her there would truly be no me. some people write about their happiness and keep the sad parts of their lives to themselves. for me the opposite is more often true. i try, every day, to interact with society in a way that hopefully will lift their spirits. instead of spending my time groveling in self pity and allowing the negative attributes of life to control my mood, i put the sadness and sorrow into words and expunge the despondency via poetry. today i post a tribute to my “valentine”… and shout to the world my love for my partner in life… my sweet Belinda Jo…

undeserving

entangled in

my now-

entwined within

my what-will-be,

you…

an anchor fastened to my heart-

essential as even-

air.

what was life before

you-

who drew the line

between indifferent-

and necessary?

was there sunlight-

or did the night – so nonchalant

just close his eyes-

allowing day…

i cherish moments

filled with oh-so-much of you,

grateful-

yet undeserving…

Hi, jeffrey here. Blogger on another site and checking things out. More to follow.