what i saw in you –
i needed to see in me.
and what i felt for you –
was what was missing from my life.
like a hand given –
but not taken,
a glance –
not returned…
desperation –
a weight – too heavy for this heart to hold,
chains of bondage –
locked tight,
and you,
the key!
my feelings –
alien to you as much as – secure is to timid,
shatter like shards of glass against your narcissistic walls…
how awesome,
it must be –
being you;
how – required!
pompous as an apostrophe –
owning possession,
and the power to unite –
yet completely – unaffected!
and while you dangle effortless,
unencumbered –
I remain tied to the weight of my own culpability.
necessary,
you are –
more than any imagined ownership.
for without you,
meaning is lost;
and I become irrelevant as a useless preposition –
alone – without the companion of my most reluctant ,
yet oh so necessary –
object…
and standing there –
on that great shore –
i watched you wave goodbye…
no words.
no sound dare interrupt
the reverence of that moment.
earth – touched sky.
winds ceased.
all creation – still…
i imagine that you thought
of summer,
when still a child.
the innocence of life before the knowing.
and possibly,
fond memories shared with family,
with friends.
and standing there –
on that great shore-
i saw your bright eyes shining.
effervescence – in your smile.
no sorrow – no fear –
no wonder,
in your going –
away…
and standing there –
on that great shore –
as oh so gentle – the sun kissed the sea,
you were gone.
knowing that today,
i cannot follow –
i wrap your memory in my heart.
hold tightly to my thoughts.
until again –
on that great shore –
you wave once more,
and i too – travel home…
voids –
spaces not filled –
empty – holes …
a glance –
eyes searching for confirmation,
not returned.
a hand – offered –
friendship –
given –
no takers…
sentences without punctuation.
and you –
the question i am not allowed to answer!
thought about being lonely –
today.
thought about all the times
i’ve ran away,
leaving you cold for awhile –
then returning,
wearing the things you love;
my heart on my sleeve,
and a smile!
realized – today,
that you are truly – gone!
and trying to wash away your
memory,
i filled my soul with
insecurity,
bled my eyes – tear-stained –
dry!
thought about living – today,
and died!
words – collected letters forced to share space between the confines of punctuation. declarations of allegiance predetermined – emotion implied -conviction assumed. and there, behind the presumption of solidarity; silhouette of faceless expectation. so easy, it seems, fulfilling obligations of (presumed)concern. mimicked expressions of empathy. disposable trust. how fervent our prayers – for consideration. how ambitious our desire – for extemporaneous acceptance.
acutely aware, however, we encounter the denigration of integrity. unrequited, our offerings of compassion – spent; we find no longer the desire to engage – even remotely contemplate resuscitation.
how sad – the verdict of indifference. truly death by choice would be more apropos than slowly dying from deceit…
absence of belonging
un-found –
not lost –
the difference in the
absence of belonging…
longing for –
that which you cannot have –
smile returned,
touch received,
void filled…
alone –
i was –
before i thought you found me,
long before i dreamed you –
cared,
believed…
how easy to release –
it seems,
regardless how far the fall –
not even the absence of a net deters the craving…
this lonely life – spent in the shadows,
eyes open,
scanning the horizon –
knees bent –
prayers sent –
all in vain!
your footsteps echo down the corridor,
long passageway of lonely –
leading you away –
from me –
all things good un-gravitate –
un-attach –
leave me –
undefined,
un-entwined with life…
need –
grasping at threads of hope –
a breeze merely blows away…
my feelings –
alien to you as much as – secure is to timid,
shatter like shards of glass against your narcissistic walls…
how awesome,
it must be –
being you;
how – required!
pompous as an apostrophe –
owning possession,
and the power to unite –
yet completely – unaffected!
and while you dangle effortless,
unencumbered –
I remain tied to the weight of my own culpability.
necessary,
you are –
more than any imagined ownership.
for without you,
meaning is lost;
and I become irrelevant as a useless preposition –
alone – without the companion of my most reluctant ,
yet oh so necessary –
object…
dangling –
here –
mere inches from release,
terrified to lose control!
pondering –
the forward,
and reverse –
confused,
unsure…
what if i take the step –
will my footing hold?
the edge is much too close,
and i am yet afraid…
that nothing will replace
the insignificance i have become
and i’ll fall –
headlong –
into less than –
something –
un-missed,
a stone thrown in the pond –
so small –
no sound,
no tell-tale –
ripples!
those days are here again –
when i’m alone –
clinging to the threads of
my existence,
falling fast!
those days are here again –
when you are gone –
and everywhere i turn,
i find the emptiness,
the lonely shadow.
where are you now –
these sleepless nights,
these lifeless days?
where have you run
to find yourself?
you leave me –
losing mine!
how great – to live another is,
unchained to why –
how awesome to – un-become…
un-tethered,
i would roam the sky –
high above the angry sea –
lose myself in currents
of reprieve…
believe – i would no longer
need –
insignificantly – culpable;
unnecessarily – obtrude!
and life –
as relatively – perceived –
could be no more.
sweet freedom –
from the baggage of was,
insignificant as broken shells
on someone Else’s shore…
standing too close to the edge 