pensive –

hypocritically – contrite –

you stand alone,

a bastion of solitude in a sea of outstretched hands…

demure in your self-proclaimed in-culpability.

astonishingly – obtuse.

devoid of even a trace of empathy,

i watch as you bask in your

self-righteous piety –

seemingly unaware of the absurdity –

oblivious of your own flagrant nonentity!

you hide behind your – suppose –

as if it were a shroud,

seemingly unaware of the audacity –

imposed by your flagrant transparency…

how awkward –

meeting here like this –

exposing all my is,

to find it wasted effort to your – presume!

when did the lines become so blurred?

boundaries,

redefined?

we used to travel the same path –

shared the same – once upon a time…

dangling now –

contemplating the letting go –

while you callously take flight on wings of indifference.

surely there is no sadness more intense

than dying –

without death!

the structure of life –

is flimsy at best –

walls constructed in haste –

simple monuments defining space –

ownership –

so too –

relationships…

dwellings meant to house hearts,

cells for souls pursuing similar goals.

invariably –

the wind blows,

and without the slightest hesitation,

walls come tumbling down…

listen!

can you hear the sound reality makes?

a broken heart,

crying in the night –

starlight dying in the dawn –

and rain,

a melancholy finale – to sorrows pain…

unable –

sad word –

thrown carelessly into the wind…

inability –

chosen –

not a consequence,

rather,

a decision…

you take from me all that you need –

leave hulls of hope scattered on the floor –

and i am just too weak from wanting more

to sweep,

or even care!

5-31-61

my moment of glory.

a mere drop in the ocean of time.

for what it’s worth,

the entrance was no less grand than

that of Mendelssohn,

or Debussy,

or even – van Gogh!

the difference, however,

realized now in retrospect,

occurring over the

span of time –

My life…

culling through the memories,

picking out the fond ones to savor,

the hulls to cast aside –

i find few to etch in stone.

like the spider spinning his web,

all it takes is a strong wind,

and all at once –

alone!

to be the somebody you want me to be,

i’d have to let go of the nobody i am…

to find my way up from the bottom of down,

requires more rope –

a stronger knot…

you –

my friend –

are not aware –

your disassociation creates grey –

space unfilled –

water much too deep to wade –

too wide to swim –

and your strong hands,

will not build a bridge…

all alone is too much sad –

the absence of touch,

a feeling i wish i never had…

what do i do

with all these thoughts of you,

trapped in my head –

like a fly in the spider’s web…

like the moth drawn to the flame,

i push against the pull –

but the effort –

all in vain…

submersed in thoughts of you,

i waste away –

no struggle against the drowning –

will,

washed away.

no need to throw a rope of hope –

i chose to lose my way…