further along the journey

once upon a –
not so long ago;
before the now,
was then.
soon after that first,
hello…
(Eden –
well,
at least some acceptable facsimile),
there was a you,
i knew –
and a me you,
although – reluctantly –
allowed –
admittance…
 
why is it –
in the light –
all demons – disappear?
aren’t they –
by nature –
invincible?

if can’t is not allowed to become is,
what then?
this timid soul does not possess the strength to slay
even the most subtle dragon,
and nowhere in the manual of supposition
is there an option –
to just – be!

indignant –
of you to assume!
your judgement falls like hail upon the road –
undisclosed to one –
further along the journey!
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when i’m without you

those days are here again –
when i’m alone –
clinging to the threads of
my existence,
falling fast!
 
those days are here again –
when you are gone –
and everywhere i turn,
i find the emptiness,
the lonely shadow.
 
where are you now –
these sleepless nights,
these lifeless days?
where have you run
to find yourself?
 
you leave me –
losing mine!
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on being insignificant…

“while you were busy branching out,

exploring possibilities without borders,
i struggled with simple survival.
while you were busy investing time into the bank of expected dividend,
i imagined the reciprocation of interest.
while you were busy extolling the benefits of benevolence –
tossing statements of supposed compassion –
i dodged stones of indifference.
while you were busy expanding your universe,
i prayed for forgiveness –
pried unsuccessfully,
the thorn of jealousy from my side.
and in a moment of unexpected clarity –
understood the significance of being –
insignificant,
walked with purposeless lack of intention the landscape of alone.
spent quality time with just myself,
while you were busy…”
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standing too close to the edge…

dangling –
here –
mere inches from release,
terrified to lose control!
 
pondering –
the forward,
and reverse –
confused,
unsure…
 
what if i take the step –
will my footing hold?
the edge is much too close,
and i am yet afraid…
 
that nothing will replace
the insignificance i have become
and i’ll fall –
headlong –
into less than –
something.
 
un-missed,
a stone thrown in the pond –
so small –
no sound,
no tell-tale –
ripples!
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miles from ordinary

 

words unsaid –

touch un-felt –

 

promises, not made –

unbroken…

 

just how deep is too deep –

how real?

too real?

 

what is the penalty for touch –

instead of feel?

 

deep the water from your shore –

dark reservoir of intrigue –

and that safe room – behind your eyes –

illusive as – seems…

 

i would give a thousand – knows,

a million – haves –

for just one moment of your time –

(to understand, not assume)

 

dreams – i weave –

realities – i conceive –

engulfed within the enigma of you…

 

ethereal –

you are to me –

miles from ordinary!

 

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mid-life

age –
simply defined;
a collection of years,
or perhaps –
seasons.
 
society puts up fences –
youth here,
old age there,
either, or…
 
i find my place neither
in, nor out –
and so i sit upon the fence –
dangling my feet,
and my heart,
in both pastures.
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departure

you hide behind your – suppose –
as if it were a shroud,
seemingly unaware of the audacity –
imposed by your flagrant transparency…
 
how awkward –
meeting here like this –
exposing all my is,
to find it wasted effort to your – presume!
 
when did the lines become so blurred?
boundaries,
redefined?
we used to travel the same path –
shared the same – once upon a time…
 
dangling now –
contemplating the letting go –
while you callously take flight on wings of indifference.
surely there is no sadness more intense
than dying –
without death!
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choices

what do i do
with all these thoughts of you,
trapped in my head –
like a fly in the spider’s web…
 
like the moth drawn to the flame,
i push against the pull –
but the effort –
all in vain…
 
submersed in thoughts of you,
i waste away –
no struggle against the drowning –
will,
washed away.
 
no need to throw a rope of hope –
i chose to lose my way…
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in my defense

beneath it all –
even below the ever growing pile of discontent…
 
layered,
ever so patiently –
my – defense –
(scar-tissue effect).
 
time passes;
and just as quickly as a borrowed breath – returned,
this now,
becomes our was…
 
what of it,
then?
false hope clinging in vain to should?
 
if we are less than everything allowed,
why – be – at all?
oh! i suppose there could be desire to rise above,
even birds with broken wings
never forget how it feels to fly…
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trust

safe –
you think –
behind your wall of – why,
hiding from no one –
but – yourself…
 
is it the light you flee?
afraid to – see?
or rather,
to be seen?
 
so easily you cling to presume,
as if it were your shield,
completely – unaware –
the truth you fear
merely shackles you with regret –
blinds you from seeing,
 
it is that which ultimately,
sets you free.
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