acquaintance – less than friend…

elusive –

this thing called trust. 

in a life spent pursuing dreams, 

it remains the foundation of our reality. 

easily implied, 

we believe without even a trace of suspect. 

sometimes we linger in the moment – 

sometimes even for a season. 

invariably, 

the walls made of presume will find confrontation with the storm of doubt.

 

left to loiter in the aftermath, 

what will define what’s left of our belief? 

perhaps when praying for blessing – 

request clarity – 

discernment between speculation versus intent. 

and if,

by chance,

parallel lines cannot be drawn –

agendas of accommodation,

then barricade the path – 

detour the journey of wasted time – 

misappropriation of dedication –

 

to acquaintance, 

less than friend…

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a box of after-while

…today –
you passed me on the street.
for a moment our eyes met.
i formed a smile, greeted you.
you turned your head and walked away.
as i continued along my journey,
i debated with myself – what did i do?
what impression did i give that warranted indifference?
 
confused.
uncertain.
i placed the moment in my box of “after-while” –
consideration for another day.
 
today i messaged you.
excited to share a “guess-what?”.
busy,
you promised conversation some other time –
another day.
perhaps i read more into your dismissal than i should.
just maybe,
i held on too long to my expectation of your when –
misconstrued your (un)intention.
 
today –
i waited for you.
anticipated the familiar comfort of your voice.
impatiently counted the minutes until your arrival.
rehearsed with eager enthusiasm my words expressing joy at your return.
but today,
you did not –
 
return.
 
and standing here,
commiserating with just myself,
i understood the sadness of alone –
the deafening roar of silence –
the numbing pain –
of your most callous – inconsideration…
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hiding behind the …

my feelings –

alien to you as much as – secure is to timid,

shatter like shards of glass against your narcissistic walls…

 

how awesome,

it must be –

being  you;

how – required!

 

pompous as an apostrophe –

owning possession,

and the power to unite –

yet completely – unaffected!

 

and while you dangle effortless,

unencumbered –

I remain tied to the weight of my own culpability.

 

necessary,

you are –

more than any imagined ownership.

for without you,

meaning is lost;

and I become irrelevant as a useless preposition –

alone  –  without the companion of my most reluctant ,

yet oh so necessary –

object…

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peace – be still…

sometimes – just tired.

and while the implication points to disengaged, the truth is not found on that particular page.

 

tonight i give up the fight.

tonight i lay down the weapons of conflict.

tonight i turn out the light – retreat.

 

tonight –

i am just too tired to engage with demons that presume entitled occupancy.

my sanctuary of surrender is off limits.

there will be no confrontation,

no chaos of unnecessary,

no conflict –

 

tonight…

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prayer for judgment

outstretched –
without restriction –
a hand.
 
offered –
free –
unqualified –
open arms of compassion.
simple things all too often taken for granted.
 
confined to rooms of routine,
we lose the passion for living –
commit ourselves to merely,
life.
 
for some of us,
the process suffocating.
disallowed to authenticate our disillusion,
we pursue alternative methods of engagement.
once unrestrained,
the freedom from mundane becomes our drug of choice.
 
and you.
standing defiant in your Chasuble of condemnation –
conspire to chastise –
categorize our behavior within paradigms of dissension.
i suppose,
if measured by standards of secular jurisprudence,
our mercurial behavior could be considered deviant –
perhaps radical.
however,
if allowed,
prayer for judgment?
 
how can you stand in posture of authority over courts of supposition?
surely you do not feel justified to gather stones!
how can you entertain acts of accommodation with conviction –
pass sentence for crimes you merely postulate as accused –
ill-informed,
bearing witness to effect,
yet no affiliation with the cause…
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without regret

there are times –
i wish i could be –
someone else,
anyone – other than – me.
 
perhaps Martin Luther King Jr. –
when dreaming of a utopia
while everyone else was merely sleeping!
or –
Neil Armstrong –
stepping out boldly into the unknown,
selfless,
unaware,
yet – secure!
 
better yet – than these –
to have been Jesus Christ –
while hanging on the cross –
suffering,
bleeding,
dying…
to look Satan in the eye –
and smile –
unafraid!
 
to be that – confident –
that forgiving!
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indifference revisited

unable –
sad word –
thrown carelessly into the wind…
 
inability –
chosen –
not a consequence,
rather,
a decision…
 
you take from me all that you need –
leave hulls of hope scattered on the floor –
and i am just too weak from wanting more
to sweep,
or even care!
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somebody

somebody seldom wonders
what nobody does –
sitting on his oh-so-high perch
a (thinking life revolves
around him) lone…
 
nobody wanders around
searching for someone
any (as long as they have
emotion) one.
 
someday – somebody will
look around –
find – no (not even his
shadow) body –
 
without light – there can
be no shades of darkness,
no (moving) shadows –
 
and while somebody
runs into the darkness –
looking for any (now some) –
body (body),
nobody will be in the light –
becoming the some (although second-rate) body
that existed within reach –
of any (now down on the ground) body
all a (unnoticed) long!
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silence, before the phrase [Proverbs 17:28]

and then sometimes, it’s the simplicity of the lyric –

unobtrusive cadence –

silence –

before the phrase…

 

i tend to look for that same – (in)equality in life.

so many times we over-quantify our justification.

presume preeminent jurisprudence when in fact,

we own less than assumed autonomy over our purpose.

how ostentatious –

contrived –

hypocritically pronounced!

 

surely, you do not imagine yourself – higher than –

greater – than –

(self-proclaimed -) elitist – do you?

 

temporal –

with such sinful disregard,

you flaunt your affected – morality…

flagrantly inept,

you deconstruct the foundation of believability –

simply by assuming yourself – the axis!

 

spoiler alert –

this world does not –

even remotely –

revolve –

around – you!

 

(you surmise my silence implies ignorance,

yet you speak, and remove all doubt…)

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too soon away

take this moment,
for what it’s worth –
merely a drop of water
in a vast ocean of time…
 
and even now –
as we ponder our existence,
the moment is gone…
 
a hurried good-bye –
a hand outstretched,
not taken –
insignificant?
 
while we consume ourselves
with – what if –
what is – fades away!
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