thread of life

 

inside my head,

the thoughts of you –

collect like raindrops in a sieve…

 

i cannot hold them,

so they fall in puddles

on the floor…

 

saturated with these feelings,

i fear the levy soon will break,

and i’ll pour out upon myself.

 

if so released –

where will i run?

all i’ve ever known of life

is how to be restrained.

 

you de-construct all my defenses,

thaw this soul –

frozen from a lack of touch,

a life of discontent.

 

i wonder,

with those liquid pools of comfort,

how it is –

you cannot see –

the magnitude of what you mean to me…

 

strong,

secure –

you are the very thread

of the fabric of my sanity!

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the chasm

this post for you.
the many that stopped along their journey to pick up stones.
irrelevant,
i suppose,
assignment of conduct as predetermined –
defined –
painstakingly deliberate.
 
regardless the supposition –
in spite of deference of arbitration –
you chose to throw opinion into the chasm of my demise.
 
contrived.
maliciously ostentatious.
your character defined by absence of even a glimmer of humanity.
conspicuously infantile,
i listen to you speak to acts of reconciliation for my sins –
recompense required to rectify my resistance to your (implied) authority.
and even as i grasp for option of absolution,
i feel the weight of intolerance crushing apathetically my refuge of hope.
and from your eyes –
blank stare.
from which no light dare enter,
or if detained,
escape…
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and just about now.

and just about now,
while the stars shine and the moon is slightly less than full, we wage wars against ourselves.
in this moment, instead of holding hands, we throw sparks – rekindle flames – ignite with fear the fires of discontent.
what will it accomplish? this war of indifference?
if in the end – when the smoke finally clears – we find all we’ve conquered – is good;
all that remains – draped in darkness-
sad shroud of victory worn by kings without crowns –
left only to reign over the grave of morality.
and so it goes…
 
and just about now,
we boast and brag of conquests made in the name of jurisprudence –
encroach upon the boundaries of right and wrong –
yet fail to comprehend the majesty of benevolence.

and just about – now –
while making plans to ostracize God from our concept of creation –
we fail to realize the structure of our once great society is falling down –
thin walls of faith,
collapsing in upon themselves,
weakened – by the senseless acts – inhumanity of man –
 
and just about now –
the reality of our demise is heard –
not in the roar of mighty storms –
but subtle as the exit of day –
more personal than a whisper of consolation,
from the very lips of death…
 
(and now i lay me down to sleep ,
i pray the Lord,
my soul…)
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the possibility of

and there –
on the horizon –
setting sun…
 
did you make a difference today?
did you color outside the lines?
 
did you disallow the urge to follow cadence?
march instead to the beat of your own drum?
 
i find it oh so intriguing the way sunlight captures day,
holds it – indisposed,
then sets it free…
 
and once again nightfall.
prelude to the possibility of –
(another day of) anything,
 
or – nothing…
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alone – again…

pennies tossed without reluctance into wishing wells.
so too –
words.
 
presumptions.
allegations.
opinion.
diatribes of judgment.
 
what purpose masks of implied?
obsolete –
conviction to intend.
 
with just the whisper of suppose the shutters close.
 
and once again – alone…
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indignant

sometimes,
just one word.
no explanation.
no pomp nor circumstance.
no indictment of intention.
 
to camouflage with pretense of necessary,
would be heinous –
most affected crime.
 
sometimes,
just one word.
summation made from observation.
 
understanding the truth –
black is black.
white is white.
what purpose loading palettes with grey (indifference)?
 
far less intrusive –
don’t you agree?
definition of opinion –
than silence – that implies…
 
sometimes,
just one word…
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exclusion by virtue of indifference

words we offer.

superfluous incantations.

so easy to speak to sadness when unaffected –

merely spectator to the tragedy.

 

symbolically,

we promenade our good intentions –

feign allegiance to the victims of indifference.

but when the shadows fall,

retire to our catacombs of selfish insensitivity.

 

where did the disconnect occur?

at what point along our journey did we simply abandon the side-car of compassion –

exchange our tickets of camaraderie for self-serving vehicles of elitism?

 

tomorrow,

regardless our attempt at manipulation,

life will continue.

as much as we choose to disregard injustice,

the reality of conflict will remain.

those that find confidence behind masks of inferred generosity –

imagine restitution paid by superficial acts of benevolence –

will sadly find admittance to paradise denied –

disallowed  by supposed inclusion by intention…

 

words,

we offer –

prayers for forgiveness.

dialogue for recompense.

 

heads bowed,

unintentional act of respect –

eyes closed,

irreverent –

 

surely there can be no penalty of judgment –

for crimes we choose not to see…

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this amazing life

 

this moment –
borrowed,
short –
precious…

it hangs on – briefly;
a breath held in anticipation –
skipped beat of a heart –
first babies cry…

awesome – don’t you think –
this journey called life?
it seems so many times –
we get caught up in the – want –
involved in expectation;
preoccupied with – when –
so much that we miss out on the – now…

my – is –
this – moment;
all i need,
and all i’m guaranteed –
you may choose another agenda –
fill your days,
your – moments –
with – what if…

but -i,
i choose – acceptance,
gratitude,
appreciation –
each breath –
each moment –
sweet gift of life –
amazing!

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bottom of down

to be the somebody you want me to be,
i’d have to let go of the nobody i am…
 
to find my way up from the bottom of down,
requires more rope –
a stronger knot…
 
you –
my friend –
are not aware –
your disassociation creates grey –
space unfilled –
water much too deep to wade –
too wide to swim –
and your strong hands,
will not build a bridge…
 
all alone is too much sad –
the absence of touch,
a feeling i wish i never had…
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abandoned

i lose my way –
inside the space –
between my hello,
and your goodbye…
 
time stands still.
reality – redefined.
 
i lose my way –
in the maze of your smile.
wonder,
as i wander,
how can such beauty coexist,
with so much pain –
contained,
within the enigma – of you…
 
and as i make my way
across the broken surface of your (un)intention,
i recognize the jagged edge of your sorrow.
stumble on the uneven terrain,
of your silent – disregard…
 
questions,
i have.
opportunity for you to abrogate – suppose.
yet truth,
you do not choose.
and inasmuch as dark
does not consume the light,
your conviction does not make the wrong of your abandon,
even
remotely
 
right…
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