and now i (cannot) lay me down to sleep…

how do you –
un-feel,
un-remember,
un-know…
 
how do you –
un-live,
un-do,
un-care?
 
nothing that i’ve ever felt,
no sunrise seen;
dream imagined – true –
nothing that i’ve ever known
made in this world –
compares to you…
 
essential as air –
attached to my need as much as dawn –
to night –
the all of you is everything to me…
 
how can a soul –
un-need,
a touch once felt?
how does a heart –
un-break,
once broken?
 
agony in your absence –
lonely,
cold as midnight dark –
pieces scattered on the ground of –
used to be happy.
shattered dreams,
thin as angel’s hair –
carried away by winds of discontent…
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hiding behind the …

my feelings –
alien to you as much as – secure is to timid,
shatter like shards of glass against your narcissistic walls…
 
how awesome,
it must be –
being you;
how – required!
 
pompous as an apostrophe –
owning possession,
and the power to unite –
yet completely – unaffected!
 
and while you dangle effortless,
unencumbered –
I remain tied to the weight of my own culpability.
 
necessary,
you are –
more than any imagined ownership.
for without you,
meaning is lost;
and I become irrelevant as a useless preposition –
alone – without the companion of my most reluctant ,
yet oh so necessary –
 
object…
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when i’m without you

those days are here again –
when i’m alone –
clinging to the threads of
my existence,
falling fast!
 
those days are here again –
when you are gone –
and everywhere i turn,
i find the emptiness,
the lonely shadow.
 
where are you now –
these sleepless nights,
these lifeless days?
where have you run
to find yourself?
 
you leave me –
losing mine!
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on wearing your frown…

i found myself –
upon the shore –
gazing in your eyes –
calm –
deep water.
 
i wanted you to know me –
feel my presence.
 
without – hesitation –
or reservation –
i tossed the stone…
 
ripples –
endless waves –
flowing outward.
and even if i wanted –
i could not stop them –
or even withdraw the effect
of my most curious touch
on your enigmatic mind!
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indifference revisited

unable –
sad word –
thrown carelessly into the wind…
 
inability –
chosen –
not a consequence,
rather,
a decision…
 
you take from me all that you need –
leave hulls of hope scattered on the floor –
and i am just too weak from wanting more
to sweep,
or even care!
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lamentation

and so it goes.
these words i borrow;
thoughts entertained on visits from countries i have yet to travel –
journeys un-begun.
 
tonight i stand upon the balcony of suppose –
gaze longingly upon the setting sun –
surrender without reluctance my care.
what if i wake tomorrow?
what matter will it make –
these thoughts?
 
perhaps upon passing,
you will linger.
just long enough to take breath.
and as quickly as your exhale,
the moment gone.
 
apropos of disengage,
your read,
will fall along the side –
random highway –
unnamed –
and all-to-soon,
forgotten…
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rungs and necessary elements…

when if turns into is –
tomorrow,
yesterday –
i’ll still be waiting here for you,
midnight anticipating dawn…
 
long –
the shadows on the road –
with miles left yet to travel –
but i’ve grown weary of the journey…
 
time used to be a friend of mine –
until the days behind were greater than ahead.
 
quickly –
earnestly –
i grasp for one more rung on this ladder of my life –
ambitious –
determined –
seeking consistency
in a mercurial world…
 
can you reach out a hand today?
this friend indeed –
is more than just a friend in need –
 
and you,
much more than just the axis to a world
ever so quickly turning!
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and sometimes…

sometimes we sing,
un-compromised –
no one listening.
irrelevant – the need to be heard.
sometimes we just cannot contain the emotion –
corral the words back to their silent place –
deep inside.
and so we sing…
 
sometimes –
the song –
becomes our anthem.
rebellion shouted from lungs trapped in a shell of perceived should-have-been –
could-have-been.
the escape becomes our escape.
the release –
our freedom –
sometimes…
 
and then –
sometimes –
we no longer hear the music –
and there –
facing the silence –
when we feel we’ve nothing left to say.
before we bow –
final curtain call –
we close our eyes –
 
and sometimes we just – pray…
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of supposition and meaning undefined…

words.
taken out of context can magnify,
or crucify.
peace and war initiated within the same collection of letters –
assembly,
the defining variable.
 
so much of who we are finds animation from our expression –
dialect –
inflection.
spoken,
read –
punctuated and pronounced.
emotion born within the simplicity of a syllable.
intention misconstrued.
passion pursued.
ignorance and genius separated ever so slightly.
fascinating –
the way we communicate before learning how to speak.
initiating interaction outside the paradigms of language.
and then –
acquiring intelligence –
we articulate our thoughts –
bring to life suppose and possibly –
as we struggle to declare opinion.
 
and yet –
regardless our intention –
fail to say exactly how we feel…
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prayer for judgment

outstretched –
without restriction –
a hand.
 
offered –
free –
unqualified –
open arms of compassion.
simple things all too often taken for granted.
 
confined to rooms of routine,
we lose the passion for living –
commit ourselves to merely,
life.
 
for some of us,
the process suffocating.
disallowed to authenticate our disillusion,
we pursue alternative methods of engagement.
once unrestrained,
the freedom from mundane becomes our drug of choice.
 
and you.
standing defiant in your Chasuble of condemnation –
conspire to chastise –
categorize our behavior within paradigms of dissension.
i suppose,
if measured by standards of secular jurisprudence,
our mercurial behavior could be considered deviant –
perhaps radical.
however,
if allowed,
prayer for judgment?
 
how can you stand in posture of authority over courts of supposition?
surely you do not feel justified to gather stones!
how can you entertain acts of accommodation with conviction –
pass sentence for crimes you merely postulate as accused –
ill-informed,
bearing witness to effect,
 
yet no affiliation with the cause…
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