seepage of your light

i cling to you like – spider webs –
you brush away!
i wrap myself inside your thoughts,
submerge myself within your silent eyes –
yet you don’t – see me,
don’t even – feel me…
 
how is it – my precious friend –
your life can be so – full,
so closed?
 
i take just so little room –
a hurried breath,
or thought,
or maybe just a simple – sigh!
 
please make some room for this scared dream –
or else – i die!
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more than much…

into this world we’re born –
craving affection –
warm caress,
open arms,
love…
 
and as we walk along life’s journey
we search for that – connection –
eyes that meet,
glance shared,
confirmation of mutual admiration…
 
yet –
it seems –
that if that touch,
that – embrace –
falls outside the paradigms of social acceptance –
we push away,
close doors,
retreat…
 
why is it –
my friend –
my feelings invade your – right?
my need exceeds your – allowed?
 
i have only everything to give to you –
sunlight on a cloudy day –
care, more than all of life’s unconcern –
and love –
pure as fire,
real as touch.
 
i only want to be that which you need –
all of want – more than much!
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show of supposed intention

i hear your words.
sympathy.
 
albeit contrived (it seems) compassion.
i even watch you manipulate gestures of benevolence.
tragic –
you declare.
so sad.
and yet the hands you could offer –
gesture of accommodation –
remain conveniently out of reach.
 
how is it –
my “friend”,
you cannot hear the transparency in your prearranged vows of (implied) solidarity?
 
i have to imagine you feel expunged from guilt –
eloquent expressions of religious conviction.
yet once the curtain closes on the show of your supposed intention;
just another empty stage.
and here.
contained within this cell of isolation –
silence thick as all alone.
 
and dark –
more deep than midnight without the promise of dawn…
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reflections: life before you

retrospect –
like chapters of a book –
already read –
scattered throughout,
blank pages…
no words,
no pictures,
no thoughts collecting –
memories.
where is it –
i have been?
what did i do,
or say –
who touched my life?
i find the time –
before you came –
unnecessary –
incomplete –
seemingly – non-existent,
as air you neither see –
nor feel.
as sound,
when non one’s listening!
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such (not) gentle hands…

i trusted you with my me,
opened all the doors,
threw away the locks of insecurity –
gazing now –
into the sun –
i find it –
mostly setting –
pulling with it,
down like tattered blinds upon broken windows,
all light,
all hope…
i trusted you with my heart –
gave in to weakness,
bottled up from years of – all alone.
how did i know –
you did not have such gentle hands…
and i would become indisposed –
naked and alone –
a shell –
with wishes never heard,
tossed lonely on an angry sea…
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deconstruction

you speak to me –
only with your eyes –
simple glance my way,
sensational as the shiver that a whisper brings…

so gracefully,
into my thoughts,
you settle in –
wrap the everything you are
around the all of what I am;
(only skin can understand close).

and while I may be nestled in
my barricade of –
survival,
you oh so effortlessly –
(leaves understand inability)
pull apart my walls of self-defense –
deconstruct my self-destruction…

compelling –
you are –
enticing me to fly on wings of possibility –
but I sit idle –
unable to escape from my cocoon –
(what is more splendid than butterfly wings?)

and watch,
what could be,
walk emphatically away!

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on passing through rooms of displeasure…

i read –
and was forever changed.
 
isn’t that the beauty of this experience called life?
the ownership of interpretation.
to understand that which moves me,
may cause no similar response in you.
 
each time i enter this room of share,
i say a prayer before touching the keys.
to imply the words are mine would be considered the most elevated evidence of tyranny.
most often,
i rather hold close the thoughts –
contain them within the rooms of my displeasure.
 
however, the holder of the latch will not comply –
and all at once –
escape…
 
and so it goes.
these words i borrow;
thoughts entertained on visits from countries i have yet to travel –
journeys un-begun.
tonight i stand upon the balcony of suppose –
gaze longingly upon the setting sun –
surrender without reluctance my care.
 
what if i wake tomorrow?
what matter will it make –
these thoughts?
perhaps upon passing,
you will linger.
just long enough to take breath.
and as quickly as your exhale,
the moment gone.
 
apropos of disengage,
your read,
will fall along the side –
random highway –
unnamed –
so all-too-soon,
forgotten…
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the palpability of is

circles –
we travel.
always leading back to the comfort of familiar places –
big fish –
oh so little ponds.
 
until that day when the levee breaks –
releases us from streams of complacency.
only then can we fully understand the small of where we’ve been –
comprehend the big of can,
the palpability of is –
and apropos of conceptually un-imagined intimacy –
the acquisition of sanctification more profound than any presumed salvation.
 
piously devout,
we stand upon our thrones of discern –
arrogantly contest status of faith –
embellish feelings of consternation –
lost,
or saved?
 
how sad –
to join in lamentation of morality’s demise,
all the while,
hiding stones of misconceived perception inconspicuously behind our backs…
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sometimes the understanding

to just for once –
be that which is – necessary;
no longer-
required.
to understand the difference…
 
you speak to me –
indiscriminately.
unobliging as moon,
to midnight!
 
pompous –
you are.
supreme to my inadequacy;
omnipotent as sun,
in a sky devoid of clouds…
 
and even as i try to – not believe,
your matter of fact impales my –
un-faith.
leaves me,
clinging to your strong –
devours my –
weak!
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  to kneel

 

standing there – lost.

perhaps, more aptly described – not found. how can it be in this vast plain of we, one solitary me remains unattached – disconnected?

today i listened to conversation – dissatisfaction over lack-of – frustration with not-enough.

today i listened to voices spewing rhetoric of anguish – less-than desired.

today i listened to passion -all but wasted disappointment – accoutrements disallowed.

today –

i listened.

 

 

more importantly –

today,

i did not hear; whispers of gratitude. and in the silent pauses between the screams of discontent – no sigh of satisfaction over – living!

how can it be we cling with diligence to inheritance of desire,

yet with the same strong hands,

allow disconnect to obligation.

and in this moment when chaos takes center stage in the tragedy of our lives,

we contemplate with heated delegation infractions to rules of solidarity.

 

 

insignificant – your decision to kneel – supposition to anthem of suffrage,

more apropos;

position of defiance.

when so much more profound – statement of intention by faith –

standing side by side

silent –  but heard –

the still small voice of conviction –

reverence not implied,

intangible –

yet seen.

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