wanting to – remember

needing to – remember

yet unable to – remember…

(thoughts strewn random – un-collectable).

 

 

pleading,

desperately –

yet adamant.

the mind ,

however,

unyielding…

(uncontrolled chaos – borderline dementia).

 

 

memories collected –

haphazardly –

disorganized sanity…

(thin, the line between what is and what should be).

 

 

and standing guard –

the one called – father –

ageless sentinel

surveying all –

seeing –

nothing!

to just for once –

be that which is – necessary;

no longer-

required.

to understand the difference…

 

 

you speak to me –

indiscriminately.

unobliging as moon,

to midnight!

 

 

pompous –

you are.

supreme to my inadequacy;

omnipotent as sun,

in a sky devoid of clouds…

 

 

and even as i try to – not believe,

your matter of fact impales my –

un-faith.

leaves me,

clinging to your strong –

 

devours my –

weak!

this post – 

specific – 

intended. 

undeniably – unobtrusive.

 

words that speak from a shrine of good intention.

words that speak to humble – 

humility.

 

words that speak from a platform of compassion –

across the silence of a room of doubt…

 

it seems –

sometimes –

the closer we become to who we are, 

the further away we move from our comfort zone.

 

 

suddenly the definition – 

the boundaries –

the allowed,

becomes muted. 

uncertainty colored gray replaces the black and white contrast.

is –

becomes could,

should gets consumed by can’t.

 

 

as we search for answers to questions we have not the courage to ask, 

our serenity disappears –

lost in the chaos of despair…

 

 

 

these words –

surreptitiously culled from dissertations of faith –

sermons of solidarity.

and yet i wonder if you hear them through the discord of your lamentations.

 

 

prayers – i pray.

application for license to disarm.

all the while –

you remain isolated –

entombed within a vault of disbelief.

unable to see over walls built to disallow insurgence of attack –

denigration of emotional stability –

 

 

that in effect,

have become prisons

of self-imposed

indifference…

how great – to live another is,

unchained to why –

how awesome to – un-become…

 

 

un-tethered,

i would roam the sky –

high above the angry sea –

lose myself in currents

of reprieve…

 

 

believe – i would no longer

need –

insignificantly – culpable;

unnecessarily – obtrude!

 

 

and life –

as relatively – perceived –

could be no more.

 

 

sweet freedom –

from the baggage of was,

insignificant as broken shells

 

on someone Else’s shore…

 

no candles lit.

no celebration.

no revelation of dreams come true.

life begins and ends –

regardless pageantry,

in spite of pomp and circumstance.

while accoutrements of consideration add a deviation to the rhythm,

they alter not the designation of its passage.

true,

we can argue the benefit of correspondence.

for purpose of justification,

we can extol the value of accommodation.

while some may find the journey cumbersome in their pursuit of a conceptualized destination,

others engage in active pursuit of extracting every ounce of occupation from each moment traveled in time.

alas,

twilight.

fading flickers of light absorbed into the was.

and as i stand facing the horizon of a brand new is,

i realize the absence of anticipation.

irrelevant –

the should-have –

the could-have –

the did-not.

all empty shells strewn upon an abandoned beach.

if allowed passage to the garden of tomorrow,

i will pursue with diligence the expectation of blessing –

reverence in the presence of allowed…