i wonder,

how it would feel,

if at that point along your journey,

the option to allow yourself to be completely broken was given.

how incidental,

the situation –

to be picked up,

piece by piece –

reconstructed –

to become whole.

reassignment of your could have been,

into the possibility of –

am…

i lose my way –

inside the space –

between my hello,

and your goodbye…

time stands still.

reality –

redefined.

i lose my way –

in the maze of your smile.

wonder,

as i wander,

how can such beauty coexist,

with so much pain –

contained,

within the enigma –

of you…

and as i make my way across the broken surface of your (un)intention,

i recognize the jagged edge of your sorrow.

stumble on the uneven terrain,

of your silent –

disregard…

questions,

i have.

opportunity for you to abrogate –

suppose.

yet truth,

you do not choose.

and inasmuch as dark does not consume the light,

your conviction does not make the wrong of your abandon,

even remotely –

right…

entangled in
my now-
entwined within
my what-will-be,
you…

an anchor fastened to my heart-
essential as even-
air.

what was life before
you-
who drew the line
between indifferent-
and necessary?

was there sunlight-
or did the night – so nonchalant
just close his eyes-
allowing day…

i cherish moments
filled with oh-so-much of you,
grateful-
yet undeserving…

phrases catch-
stick their insinuations into the residence of thought.
that room; without an exit.
trapped,
we find ourselves slaves to the supposition.
irrelevant –
the margin of error.

once thrown,
the dart of defamation finds accommodation with our allowed.
as victims,
we believe somehow it is our fault.
perhaps we chose denigration over absence of feel.
even pain holds preference over ignored.

yet without reservation –
we cry our hurt –
wear crowns of lamentation.
picket signs shouting our anguish as we stand silent –
faces (all the same) in the crowd.
resigned to epitaphs of woe.

insignificant as could have been,
in the story of our was…

…today –

you passed me on the street.

for a moment our eyes met.

i formed a smile, greeted you.

you turned your head and walked away.

as i continued along my journey,

i debated with myself – what did i do?

what impression did i give that warranted indifference?

confused.

uncertain.

i placed the moment in my box of “after-while” –

consideration for another day.

today i messaged you.

excited to share a “guess-what?”.

busy,

you promised conversation some other time –

another day.

perhaps i read more into your dismissal than i should.

just maybe,

i held on too long to my expectation of your when –

misconstrued your (un)intention.

today –

i waited for you.

anticipated the familiar comfort of your voice.

impatiently counted the minutes until your arrival.

rehearsed with eager enthusiasm my words expressing joy at your return.

but today,

you did not –

return.

and standing here,

commiserating with just myself,

i understood the sadness of alone –

the deafening roar of silence –

the numbing pain –

of your most callous – inconsideration…

doors.

we stand on one side,

or the other.

owner of the lock,

or the knock.

so easy to choose –

allow or disallow.

if –

our position – outside,

choices still to be made.

to overcome the fear –

apprehension –

of ignore?

or if –

so inclined –

make unaware our presence –

ambition to belong?

so great,

the opportunity –

ownership of discern.

to stand in judgment –

condemn or condone.

remain silent in shadows of presumed insignificance –

or shine our light –

replace the darkness of cant –

with the brilliance of our might?

regardless the anxiety of consequence,

we own the obligation to choose.

so much more desired –

decision of intent,

than incidence of suppose…

and then some days we wish for the option of a safe place –

shallow water –

night light in a room of total darkness.

how easily the situations change.

seamless as twilight to night.

what benefit – assumptions of consideration?

regardless the perseverance of our suppose –

when safety nets of will-become,

come undone,

where do we place our hope?

what destination do we plot –

safe harbor from our fear?

regardless our allegiance to commandments of believe,

when tapestry’s of faith hang tattered –

torn by the relentless winds of deceive,

there is no comfort –

no reprieve.

sadness settles like fog upon the water.

and far from shore –

we drift – lonely,

lost on seas of discontent.

prelude to memories of could have been.

our stories –

unnecessary –

written for no one –

inconveniently –

unread…

words unsaid –
touch un-felt –
promises, not made –
unbroken…

just how deep is too deep –
how real?
too real?
what is the penalty for touch –
instead of feel?

deep the water from your shore –
dark reservoir of intrigue –
and that safe room – behind your eyes –
illusive as – seems…

i would give a thousand – knows,
a million – haves –
for just one moment of your time –
(to understand, not assume)

dreams – i weave –
realities – i conceive –
engulfed within the enigma of you…

ethereal –
you are to me –
miles from ordinary!

“we sit in empty rooms –

consumed with the next thought,

surreptitiously interjected into our uneventful lives.

searching for value and justification, 

we scan through the abyss of suppose,

anticipating relevance – 

some semblance of self-value.

and when we find nothing notable, 

we resort back to our misery – 

wrap ourselves up in the familiarity of alone.”