nothing new to say tonight.

dissertations of distress exhausted.

expressions of discontent folded neatly –

placed in boxes of doesn’t matter.

what else is there to say when the audience murmur drowns out your cries for companion?

if whispers of sadness –

prayers for communion –

are not heard above the noise of indifference-

why waste the effort in a shout?

regardless the anatomy of disengage –

unless attended by counsel of concern –

the effort all in vain.

wasted as reviews of distress –

read after the curtains fall…

and some days, it all just seems wasted time.
regardless the want –
in spite of the – have-to-have –
no matter how intense the desire –
roads that have no outlet will never lead you where you want to go.

in that moment of realization –
when overcome with know,
how will you even entertain expectation of commiseration.
surely you understand,
you made the choice – once upon a not-so-long ago –

remember when you turned away from outstretched hand?
remember when you chose alone?
remember when you left the room of this unfinished business –
bid adieu,
long before the curtain call?
remember when…

we speak to the disenchanted.

stand on our soapboxes of pious indignation –

lash out at the arena’s of unconcerned –

wear watercolor hearts on our sleeves.

in front of crowds gathered to deter allegiance –

we throw arrows of solidarity –

our arsenal of antagonism unending.

words of condemnation; we choose.

yet fail to dislodge thumbs of impudence from holes in dams of manufactured religion.

religion.

all inclusive blanket of suppose.

folded up neatly and placed high on shelves of unavailable.

easily out of reach –

out of sight.

we speak –

but never seem to question the acceptance of those that hear.

irrelevant –

consensual commiseration.

in place of conviction –

we exhibit masks of implied.

utter memorized oracles of divine affiliation.

all the while –

completely unaware of the absence of acceptance to our invitations of believe…

today i placed you
in my box of death –
closed the lid –
allowed your darkness,
absence – from my light…

bundled up,
with ribbons of regret,
i laid your sorrow by the door –
safe outside the fortress of my heart.

silent –
contained inside my chamber of refrain –
i watched the raindrops attach themselves to windows – closed,
clinging with cold deliberation to the glass…

today i placed your memory
where the shadows grow –
waited without sound –
allowed the silence audience in the arena of despair.

today –
i lingered for a moment more
upon the shore of your demise.
said my farewells –
loosened chains of regret,
and in that instant of your escape,
this captive heart,
realized,
for the first time,
how it felt to be finally set free…

instead of regret –

appreciate the lesson learned.

instead of sorrow –

remember the prequel to the pain.

instead of doubt –

find something you know is true –

hold on to it.

life can be anything we want it to be.

we have choices to make.

there is no sentence of disparage inherited or inescapable.

no where is it written we must accept negative situations as predetermined avenues of travel.

if we encounter clouds –

inclement weather –

we have to remember the sun is still above us.

we will dry out.

and on those days when we feel everyone has heard a voice –

resounding echo –

instructing them to run away,

we have to recognize the dialogue of lies.

if nothing else you understand brings clarity to your confusion –

walk outside –

look up.

in a universe so vast –

magnificent beyond human expectation –

you were chosen to become!

of all the people that you could have been –

you are exclusively –

you!

and while you may not appreciate the gift of your creation,

someone else may find their peace –

simply because God answered their prayer –

with you…

outstretched –
without restriction –
a hand.

offered –
free –
unqualified –
open arms of compassion.
simple things all too often taken for granted.

confined to rooms of routine,
we lose the passion for living –
commit ourselves to merely,
life.

for some of us,
the process suffocating.
disallowed to authenticate our disillusion,
we pursue alternative methods of engagement.
once unrestrained,
the freedom from mundane becomes our drug of choice.

and you.
standing defiant in your Chasuble of condemnation –
conspire to chastise –
categorize our behavior within paradigms of dissension.
i suppose,
if measured by standards of secular jurisprudence,
our mercurial behavior could be considered deviant –
perhaps radical.
however,
if allowed,
prayer for judgment?

how can you stand in posture of authority over courts of supposition?
surely you do not feel justified to gather stones!
how can you entertain acts of accommodation with conviction –
pass sentence for crimes you merely postulate as accused –
ill-informed,
bearing witness to effect,

yet no affiliation with the cause…

oh to be that breath of air

you take; essential as – must,

to have…

to enter into – the all of you –

to become as close,

as one –

to two…

if just for one moment –

to live in your thoughts –

feel the memories –

encounter your – you!

i would give a thousand

could of been’s –

for just one – is,

a lifetime of – life –

for a moment of – living…

oh how must it feel –

to  be the addiction,

for once,

no longer the addict!

how simple,

but sublime –

to smile,

when sharing space,

inside your – you,

with lonely,

and afraid.

how –

em-pathetically –

courageous!

if only eyes could see the – feel,

distinguish between – superfluous,

and real,

then maybe – matter – would return…

surely there is nothing,

imagined,

nor real –

more lonely than the absence of touch…

you whisper your goodbye –

i scream –

my alone!

…i carefully collected all my precious things –
memories that catered to a status of elevation –
pieces of someone’s life that fell onto the path of my indiscretion.
all the tangible segments of seasons past.
and as i carried my box of was out of the room of my current situation,
i realized how unnecessary the majority of things really were.

so much emotion.
so much time.
so much care.
accouterments of compassion and unappreciated concern filed away.
useless as friendship undesired.

what do you find holds value at the end of your day?
what thoughts open doors of peaceful reflection as you enter your resource of sleep?
is there ever incidence of regret?
investment into unappreciated accommodation?
commiseration without even essence of reciprocated conviction?
and when you take inventory of all that matters,
are the scales skewed toward misappropriated solidarity?

i suppose you could insist the situation held value.
without pain there can be little to comprehend of its absence.
and without commissioners of insincerity,
how can one ever fully appreciate the honor –
the blessing –
of companion…