i found myself –

upon the shore –

gazing in your eyes –

calm –

deep water.

i wanted you to know me –

feel my presence.

without – hesitation –

or reservation –

i tossed the stone…

ripples –

endless waves –

flowing outward.

and even if i wanted –

i could not stop them –

or even withdraw the effect

of my most curious touch

on your enigmatic mind!

i need you –

more than – want,

more than – have to have,

as much as – to die for…

i need –

you,

longer than,

forever –

before – now!

addicted to –

the all-of-you,

i cling to your every word,

place them – captive –

in my heart…

and when i find,

you’ve gone away –

i pull them out –

remembering the way you looked right into me –

spoke comfort,

calmed storms,

extinguished fires of discontent,

by simply uttering my name!

i carry –

you –

deep within – me,

unencumbered

as light attached to dawn –

you are my sunrise,

guiding light,

feelings placed on hold –

access –

denied.

what do you do when

doors are closed –

no goodbyes?

longing eats a hole

in sanities – reality –

words cannot be – unsaid,

feelings – un-felt…

regret –

an evil unparalleled –

compounded by cruel rejection…

the tender heart lies broken,

compassion lost –

abandon feels like midnight dark,

dying all alone…

oh my duplicitous Pygmalion!

while you were sleeping,

i was years away…

… trapped,

as you would say –

contained within my pre-assembled tomb of ambiguity.

but there is where i find –

i,

my – me…

and while you walk in circles

around my truth,

expecting walls of nonchalance to crumble,

i smile –

free of your contagious animosity…

how simply –

archaic!

your words,

so fervent in their request to be my savior –

however,

your eyes do not invite –

and your clinched fists can never hold these trembling hands…

entangled in

my now-

entwined within

my what-will-be,

you…

an anchor fastened to my heart-

essential as even-

air.

what was life before

you-

who drew the line

between indifferent-

and necessary?

was there sunlight-

or did the night – so nonchalant

just close his eyes-

allowing day…

i cherish moments

filled with oh-so-much of you,

grateful-

yet undeserving…

flimsy as maybe –

unstable as if –

your promise floats above me,

just out of reach…

perhaps you feel the effort

more important than the feel,

suppose – more necessary than real.

intentions – undefined –

your non-touch

un-opens me.

while you roam effortlessly from your dreams,

you keep me tightly clasped –

to mine…

dangling –

here –

mere inches from release,

terrified to lose control!

pondering –

the forward,

and reverse –

confused,

unsure…

what if i take the step –

will my footing hold?

the edge is much too close,

and i am yet afraid…

that nothing will replace

the insignificance i have become,

and i’ll fall –

headlong –

into less than –

something.

un-missed,

a stone thrown in the pond –

so small –

no sound,

no tell-tale –

ripples!

solitude –

precursor to loneliness.

disassociation of self –

from soul.

plunged head first –

into this desolation…

where do you turn to find

acceptance –

what price – the need?

compassion comes,

but not without cost.

smiles –

transparent,

masking pain –

unrealized.

abandon –

cruel nemesis to faith,

prevails –

hurt sustains!