flimsy as maybe –

unstable as if –

your promise floats above me,

just out of reach…

perhaps you feel the effort

more important than the feel,

suppose – more necessary than real.

intentions – undefined –

your non-touch

un-opens me.

while you roam effortlessly from your dreams,

you keep me tightly clasped –

to mine…

feelings placed on hold –

access –

denied.

what do you do when

doors are closed –

no goodbyes?

longing eats a hole

in sanity’s – reality –

words cannot be – unsaid,

feelings – un-felt…

regret –

an evil unparalleled –

compounded by cruel rejection…

the tender heart lies broken,

compassion lost –

abandon feels like midnight dark,

dying all alone…

those days are here again –

when i’m alone –

clinging to the threads of

my existence,

          falling fast!

those days are here again –

when you are gone –

and everywhere i turn,

i find the emptiness,

the lonely shadow.

where are you now –

these sleepless nights,

these lifeless days?

where have you run

to find yourself?

you leave me –

losing mine!

(derogatory)

your remarks invade the tranquility of space reserved for angels…

who –

regardless your opinion (all opinion is null)

do exist!

     here –

come here –

if you dare embark upon the journey;

     clear sky –

     over hills and plains,

          dark valleys…

(to find me – you must look…)

     i am not he who cowers behind the trees –

no cloak of darkness do i need –

fear – i do not carry on my shoulders…

the armor – once vital –

i have now thrown away –

for words are all you have,

barbs of anguish you hurl at me…

but see –

they

     fall

          like

               feathers

                    on

                         the

                              ground –

silent,

no sound –

save the sighing of pity…

     listen –

hear ambivalence take its’ dying breath –

and then,

that sweet peaceful quiet –

interrupted only by the sound of angels wings…

(safe i am – indeed!)

possibly
sits on the couch with
his good friend –
could be.
together they –
oh so carefully (OCD) –
plan,
nothing…
(if nothings in order, there can be no – something).

and somewhere on the other side
of what-could-be –
sunrise,
(you know, getting past the mountain of can’t)…

i understand the feeling
of a rose blooming.
the sheer exuberance of life -unfolding;
exaltation –
joy,
unparalleled –
truly,
living!
(most awesome of all experiences!)

lips pursed tightly –
scream suppressed –
eyes masking the terror that hides within…
in this sad world –
silence becomes a much wanted,
much needed place –
(the voices never quiet)
but elusive;
the dissipating wisp of smothered flame,
phrases barely visible on foggy mirrored panes…
to find that place –
where dreams reside –
that Xanadu of peace –
to float like clouds upon a tranquil sky –
oh what release…
to find recompense –
from the madness –
(oh Father, where art thou?)
that would be the greatest gift –

more pure than gold –
to be held –
not just the one who holds!

what do i do

with all these thoughts of you,

trapped in my head –

like a fly in the spider’s web…

like the moth drawn to the flame,

i push against the pull –

but the effort –

all in vain…

submersed in thoughts of you,

i waste away –

no struggle against the drowning –

will,

washed away.

no need to throw a rope of hope –

i chose to lose my way…