from chaos –

there comes a crown,

or so it may appear.

be careful –

all that glitters,

(well, you know)…

impromptu –

as it all may seem –

this course was –

pre-determined;

agenda’s,

hidden –

motive – un-disclosed…

and while the self-proclaimed queen ascends the throne,

those hiding in the shadows,

clinch tight their stones,

(solidarity – buried in an unmarked grave).

pompous –

precariously perched high upon – presume;

you think your – self – a god?

how sad,

but oh so satisfying!

your unsure steps,

leading you further along,

into the nothing…

there are times –

i wish i could be –

someone else,

anyone – other than – me.

perhaps Martin Luther King Jr.

when dreaming of a utopia

while everyone else was merely sleeping!

or –

Neil Armstrong –

stepping out boldly into the unknown,

selfless,

unaware,

yet – secure!

better yet – than these –

to have been Jesus Christ –

while hanging on the cross –

suffering,

bleeding,

dying…

to look Satan in the eye –

and smile –

unafraid!

to be that – confident –

that forgiving!

wanting to – remember

needing to – remember

yet unable to – remember…

(thoughts strewn random – uncollectable)

pleading,

desperately –

yet adamant.

the mind ,

however,

unyielding…

(uncontrolled chaos – borderline dementia)

memories collected –

haphazardly –

disorganized sanity…

(thin, the line between what is and what should be)

and standing guard –

the one called – father –

ageless sentinel

surveying all –

seeing –

nothing!

i see you there –

in the shadowy twilight of my used to be –

safe,

a memory tucked away for a rainy day…

i used to think the world revolved around you –

stars,

you made –

sun, only from your smile…

i often found myself absorbed within the all of you –

eyes,

dark as midnight –

doorway to the temple of your soul –

but me,

being me,

never found the courage for the journey –

and you,

being you,

never offered safe passage…

why is it –

now – redefined –

i find the feelings turned from awe –

to anguish?

how can i blame the dawn –

for day?

the moon –

for night?

your creation was not conceived for my salvation –

your hands much too large to hold the tininess of me!

my need to feel –

needed –

palpable,

finite…

my need to –

feel –

as necessary as air – to breath…

where have you gone –

summer sun –

where are the seasons passed?

piled up like leaves against the fence –

tangible,

yet out of reach…

and you –

memory of a setting sun –

less brilliant,

on this – the morning after!

rain.

steady,

seeping,

depression!

today the sun mourns.

today runs grey from black night,

clothed in clouds…

today you are dead!

and i don’t know whether to accept your fate,

     and say goodbye,

     or ignore your state,

     deny your death,

and quietly,

tenderly,

lay myself

     down,

     by your side;

sleep with you – silently,

eternally…

     (no dreams,

     no thoughts,

     no waking, sleepless nights,

     no more).

i wonder,

now,

Mister Death;

will you be  – gentle – with him?

how – tenderly – will you – caress – him?:

be ever so kind –

i loved him!

there are some things –

          superficial –

          easily seen by –

          everyone –

               anyone!

those things characterize,

          silhouette by

          shape,

               by sound.

deeper though –

          seen scantly,

          like constellations through broken clouds –

          there are those more personal things.

like pearls –

          we search,

          and probe –

          picking over –

          breaking down –

          looking desperately for that great prize –

          and in the search –

          missing out on the most precious jewels.

cast away –

          like broken shells –

          we clutter the beaches of life !