indifference revisited

unable –
sad word –
thrown carelessly into the wind…
 
inability –
chosen –
not a consequence,
rather,
a decision…
 
you take from me all that you need –
leave hulls of hope scattered on the floor –
and i am just too weak from wanting more
to sweep,
or even care!
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unassigned

and then those days roll in like Summer storms. 

thunder so loud,
yet welcome distraction from the silence of all alone.
and rain –
heavy as black in a midnight sky.
it seems,
in those moments of oppression,
there is no hope.
what purpose faith in a faceless god?
surely there is no recompense earned merely from ritual of believe.
peace –
you proclaim.
comfort from the pain.
but somehow –
when –
remains unknown.
and as you kneel to offer prayer for salvation,
voices whisper eulogies to care.
in those days,
when life becomes just too much to bear,
you realize how it feels –
becoming undone.
what then?
if compassion serves purpose –
glue to mend the broken –
and the cupboard bare,
do the pieces of promise just get swept away?
sometimes,
no matter our intention,
we end up unassigned –
unnecessary as the refuse of was,
thrown with deliberation,
into  the insignificance of – not…
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sometimes the understanding

to just for once –
be that which is – necessary;
no longer-
required.
to understand the difference…
 
you speak to me –
indiscriminately.
unobliging as moon,
to midnight!
 
pompous –
you are.
supreme to my inadequacy;
omnipotent as sun,
in a sky devoid of clouds…
 
and even as i try to – not believe,
your matter of fact impales my –
un-faith.
leaves me,
clinging to your strong –
devours my –
weak!
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is – from could be

is – does not understand,
could –
(possibility – not yet defined?).
inside the paradigms of his reality,
now is real.
(if you have now, was no longer matters).
 
how odd –
to be,
yesterday.
quite full of what was,
and what mattered,
and even – what if,
but never as necessary,
or as current,
as – what is!
 
sad,
don’t you think?
requiems for want,
not yet realized;
but not one single tear for had…
 
(how quickly we forget).
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chosen to become…

instead of regret –
appreciate the lesson learned.
instead of sorrow –
remember the prequel to the pain.
instead of doubt –
find something you know is true –
hold on to it.
 
life can be anything we want it to be.
we have choices to make.
 
there is no sentence of disparage inherited or inescapable.
no where is it written we must accept negative situations as predetermined avenues of travel.
if we encounter clouds –
inclement weather –
we have to remember the sun is still above us.
we will dry out.
 
and on those days when we feel everyone has heard a voice –
resounding echo –
instructing them to run away,
we have to recognize the dialogue of lies.
 
if nothing else you understand brings clarity to your confusion –
walk outside –
look up.
in a universe so vast –
magnificent beyond human expectation –
you were chosen to become!
 
of all the people that you could have been –
you are exclusively –
you!
 
and while you may not appreciate the gift of your creation,
someone else may find their peace –
simply because God answered their prayer –
with you…
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just about now

and just about now,
while the stars shine and the moon is slightly less than full,
we wage wars against ourselves.
 
in this moment, instead of holding hands, we throw sparks –
rekindle flames –
ignite with fear the fires of discontent.
what will it accomplish?
this war of indifference?
if in the end –
when the smoke finally clears –
we find all we’ve conquered –
is good; all that remains –
draped in darkness –
sad shroud of victory worn by kings without crowns –
left only to reign over the grave of morality.
 
and so it goes…
 
and just about now,
we boast and brag of conquests made in the name of jurisprudence –
encroach upon the boundaries of right and wrong –
yet fail to comprehend the majesty of benevolence.
 
and just about – now –
while making plans to ostracize God from our concept of creation –
we fail to realize the structure of our once great society is falling down –
thin walls of faith,
collapsing in upon themselves,
weakened –
by the senseless acts –
inhumanity of man –
 
and just about now –
the reality of our demise is heard –
not in the roar of mighty storms –
but subtle as the exit of day –
more personal than a whisper of consolation,
from the very lips of death…
 
(and now i lay me down to sleep ,
i pray the Lord,
my soul…)
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hourglass of our demise

caught up in the vortex of assume.
we place our hearts on trays of trust –
offer invitation to presentations of our self.
 
with marked deliberation –
we push the everything of all we are onto center stage –
dim the lights –
create atmosphere of intimate accommodation.
 
and there.
exposed.
wearing only the skin of our re-purposed conviction –
we promenade our is –
recite monologues of our suppose.
 
there is,
i feel,
no sorrow more defined than diminished expectation.
to strip away the layers of apprehension –
peel off the mask of reluctant –
allow access to the very essence of our was,
in hopes of finding partner on the journey to our will become –
and find,
when naked of all but our indiscretion,
the effort wasted –
could-be not an option…
 
as the curtain begins to close –
lights of life begin to dim –
we realize the absence of audience.
 
as one by one the patrons reassigned.
most often to follow adventures we cannot comprehend.
while we remain –
restrained as sand within the hourglass of our own demise.
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suppose

unintentionally –
detached.
 
disengaged by lack of –
need.
 
displaced – from absence of – desire…
 
what is it about a storm –
creates relevance?
clarity – from chaos?
 
granted – lingers briefly –
disappears without a trace of reluctance.
what happens then –
to the once safe bastion of – care?
 
if allowed transition (effortlessly)
from
is – to – was;
relocated by winds of change –
what purpose denying opportunity of might?
 
why reconstruct altars dedicated to suppose –
on sands that shift,
when merely threatened by the tide?
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secure within your walls

out through the in-door,
in through the out –
always against the current,
you…
 
traveling now –
back into my country –
sunlight on the horizon,
dawn to a brand new day!
 
how is it –
with ease –
you navigate my conscious stream of life –
transverse my sky
as easily as light adheres to day?
 
nothing else –
not even thought –
can penetrate,
so easily permeate my mind.
 
you wrap around me –
contain the all of me
as much as –
skin.
 
complete –
i am –
with you –
secure within…
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the trauma of forgot

and then some nights –
silence.
screams from voice of insecurity muffled –
less than audible echo down the corridor of alone.
 
what purpose keys –
to doors with locks,
removed?
regardless invitation to accept –
no answered reply –
unheard knocks.
curtains drawn.
occupancy –
denied.
 
and in the darkness of implied unnecessary –
even shadows disappear.
 
there is no greater fear than becoming victim to indifference.
no deeper hurt –
than trauma of forgot…
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