(un)truth

i allow myself to be small –
enough to hide behind,
suppose…
 
safe within the confines
of – should be.
while you –
inflated by winds of –
possibility,
roam effortlessly,
my sky…
 
audacious –
don’t you think?
invading my nonchalance?
with your –
obtuse – insinuations?

between the suppose – and the know…

tonight – 

instead of speaking disparagingly of the cold –

i utter prayers of blessing for shelter.

 

tonight – 

even though the anticipation of yet another Monday encroaches upon my peaceful evening –

i consider myself lucky to have option of an agenda.

 

tonight –

while looking back at opportunity missed –

incidence of disappointment – 

seasons of sorrow – 

i smile.

 

regardless the tendency to fall victim to discontent –

i made it through each storm.

perhaps you feel burdened by similar encounters with chaos.

just maybe the storm has you trapped in less than adequate shelter. 

if i may interject evidence of plausibility – 

relevance to allowance of discord – 

before you offer platitudes of denigration aimed at the author of our creation,

i suggest you take a moment to just be still.

nowhere is it written there will be no obstacles along our journey. 

 

there is, 

however, 

promise of recompense. 

reward for endeavors of faith. 

compensation for pain. 

 

instead of lamenting over battles lost –

pride compromised – 

find solace in knowing the war will be won. 

in fact –

the outcome decided long before we even knew it had begun…

in my defense

beneath it all –
even below the ever growing pile of discontent…
layered,
ever so patiently –
my defense.
(scar-tissue effect)…
 
time passes;
and just as quickly as a borrowed breath – returned,
this now,
becomes our was…
 
what of it,
then?
false hope clinging in vain to should?
 
if we are less than everything allowed,
why – be – at all?
oh!
i suppose there could be desire to rise above,
even birds with broken wings
never forget how it feels to fly…

a most unnecessary war…

i suppose –
each span of time should be held with equal consideration.
what authority –
do we own –
allows discrimination of day,
of hour,
even moment of life?
 
at what point do we realize the blessing,
rather than lament the supposition of – (perceived) oppression?
birds fly and we envy their freedom.
the sun shines and we contemplate the suggestion of clouds.
we fill ourselves –
involuntarily –
with living,
yet commiserate with the eventuality of our demise.
 
indifference –
we wear,
as if it were our shield.
unaware.
ignorant of the possibility –
the only war –
waged willingly upon the plain of our inconsideration…

abandon

i fear
that i will never understand from what authority –
you disallow?
 
how ludicrous –
the signs you post –
inscribed with such callous – un-intent!
 
sad,
it must be –
unable to respond –
responsible to guilt –
imprisoned inside a tomb – of should…
 
and while your hope floats away,
upon a breeze of – nonchalance –
my – could –
remains captive –
bound by chains unseen –
 
victim to your abrupt,
yet rehearsed,
 
abandon!

disallowed

what purpose –
words.
 
manipulated expression designed to un-intend.
 
regardless the inquisition –
in spite of implied affirmation –
sometimes the only resolution comes from silence.
 
and if,
by chance –
you feel disconnected –
disallowed –
pushed outside the doorway of necessary,
perhaps your key was not designed to fit the lock –
 
just maybe,
the door was never meant to open…

of paper umbrellas…

today i shared a moment in time with someone broken.
in that instant –
i lost my way –
stumbled upon my journey of faith.
 
it didn’t seem fair.
i was not prepared for the discomfort of that particular truth.
 
as i made my way –
reluctantly –
away from the ledge of doubt,
i realized the purpose for this particular process.
 
trust.
five letters.
no less than doubt,
but more than fear.
how was it i found my way through the maze of my insufficiency,
yet failed in my effort to assist a friend stranded along the way through theirs?
what value –
this armor of consideration?
what purpose –
hollow declarations of intent?
without conviction,
the words become useless as paper umbrellas in the rain.
 
today i ventured outside the sanctuary of my perceive.
 
today –
i finally understood the capacity –
 
of believe…

rungs and necessary elements…

when if turns into is –
tomorrow,
yesterday –
i’ll still be waiting here for you,
midnight anticipating dawn…
 
long –
the shadows on the road –
with miles left yet to travel –
but i’ve grown weary of the journey…
 
time used to be a friend of mine –
until the days behind were greater than ahead.
 
quickly –
earnestly –
i grasp for one more rung on this ladder of my life –
ambitious –
determined –
seeking consistency
in a mercurial world…
 
can you reach out a hand today?
this friend indeed –
is more than just a friend in need –
and you,
much more than just the axis to a world
ever so quickly turning!

ineptitude

 

preeminent misconception –
lonely,
does not rely on being –
alone…
days – there are –
sun shining,
not a single solitary cloud in the sky.
yet – shadows,
deep as midnight darkness –
(secrets hide in the dark,
gnashing their teeth –
overly animated and eager.)
at what moment did you decide –
indifference?
what memory – unsuppressed –
tipped the scale?
yesterday is mine.
holding your hand.
strolling through – uncertainty –
certain!
(i cannot explain sadness –
even gravity cannot hold so tight!).
if – as easy as making a wish –
you would come true –
i would not be on this bridge –
(solace when touching deep water…)
angry at myself for the need –
yet unable to refrain…
inadequacy:
the most un-healable pain!

my alone

how simple,
but sublime –
to smile,
when sharing space,
inside your – you,
with lonely,
and afraid.
 
how –
em-pathetically –
courageous!
 
if only eyes could see the – feel,
distinguish between – superfluous,
and real,
then maybe – matter – would return…
 
surely there is nothing,
imagined,
nor real –
more lonely than the absence of touch…
 
you whisper your goodbye –
i scream –
my alone!