my is –
interrupted –
fades into the vastness of was.
replaced,
perhaps,
be it ever so briefly,
by yet another is…

when yesterday was today,
surreptitiously culled from could be,
to become,
you and that version-of-the-day me,
did interact.

now I find your is – no more.
and realizing my inability to continue my journey with you,
into your was,
makes me pause…

how apropos – on such a day as this.
Hummingbirds and Seraphim’s!
and as your you ascends from the tomb of could not,
the universe itself is moved to tears –

so softly the summer rain falls…

there are times –
i wish i could be –
someone else,
anyone – other than – me.

perhaps Martin Luther King Jr. –
when dreaming of a utopia,
while everyone else was merely sleeping!
or Neil Armstrong –
stepping out boldly into the unknown,
selfless,
unaware,
yet – secure!

better yet – than these –
to have been Jesus Christ –
while hanging on the cross –
suffering,
bleeding,
dying…
to look Satan in the eye –
and smile –
unafraid!

to be that – confident –
that forgiving!

how do you –
un-feel,
un-remember,
un-know…

how do you –
un-live,
un-do,
un-care?

nothing that i’ve ever felt,
no sunrise seen;
dream imagined – true –
nothing that i’ve ever known
made in this world –
compares to you…

essential as air –
attached to my need as much as dawn –
to night –
the all of you is everything to me…

how can a soul –
un-need,
a touch once felt?
how does a heart –
un-break,
once broken?

agony in your absence –
lonely,
cold as midnight dark –
pieces scattered on the ground of –
used to be happy.
shattered dreams,
thin as angel’s hair –
carried away by winds of discontent…

i have to say i understand
the voice of silence.
like me –
it doesn’t need to scream
to acknowledge –
animosity…

it rather remain that whisper you thought you heard;
rustle of leaves in the (no) wind;
anxiety – animated by midnights darkness!

afraid – you wear,
much more secure than trust,
and that look of despair in your –
exit-door eyes;
oddly – justified!

always sad –
to watch the wreck of trains;
yet weak, are we.
unable to turn away from the tragedy;
paralyzed by our –
un(wanted)-interest.
content within our room of –
simply do not care (we care!)…

to be the somebody you want me to be,
i’d have to let go of the nobody i am…

to find my way up from the bottom of down,
requires more rope –
a stronger knot…

you –
my friend –
are not aware –
your disassociation creates grey –
space unfilled –
water much too deep to wade –
too wide to swim –
and your strong hands,
will not build a bridge…

all alone is too much sad –
the absence of touch,
a feeling i wish i never had…

today –
i asked –
have you seen –
my me?
bewildered,
at least portrayed-
you summoned up your ounce of –
empathy –
responded with eyes more cold and vacant
than winter desolation;
no!

today –
i asked if perhaps,
just – possibly –
i passed without you noticing?

indignant –
emotion-starved –
victimized stare,
your face told me more truth than any words
escaping from your tightly clenched lips…

and there,
behind your lie –
evasive as your affection –
i found – myself!
shivering,
cold as the embers of passion from a fire
so long ago left (not) burning!

i hear your sadness
screaming through the silence…

big sky –
little moon –
somewhere on the other side of my world,
you –
behind the clouds…

what absence do you run from –
what darkness terror
keeps you locked away?

safe inside your guarded walls
i cannot reach you…

what feeling worse than lonely –
what pain more real than
breaking heart,
outstretched hand – empty –
unanswered prayer…

broken still –
emotion spilled into a void –
longing cuts like shards of glass –
the soul…

you are my pain,
and passion,
self-contained!

collect all the thoughts of you,
in a box –
place them by the door –
i don’t need them anymore…

gather the pieces of discontent,
tossed on the ground,
fragments of used-to-be need,
throw them all away –
there is no use for them today…

anguish –
sad so heavy it steals all light –
hurt darker than lonely midnight –
regret,
dreary as melancholy rain…

association made between closing door –
goodbye –
broken heart…

pain fills up the space between used-to-be
and now –
leaves no room for if-
no hope of could…

if tears made holes when hitting ground –
i’d fall forever and a day –
for i placed my all on every word you said –
and nothing now is what i have…

heart empty,
still as wave-less sea –
hands full of what should be!

no one found me – today –
or maybe i found him –
either way we ended up together –
both going –
nowhere…

the nothing –
that we shared –
left us with – nothing – to say –
and so –
our journey – silent…

how often –
it seems –
we set our course –
all good intentions,
but one quick wind and we are swept away…

suddenly,
the – something –
we believe in –
is gone –
and no matter how hard you try –
you just can’t find your way…

so sad –
to be – in,
but not – of!

sitting on the shore –
watching reflections on the water;
yellow sun,
blue sky –
solitary bird flying into the horizon…

how small –
am i –
in a world so big,
how insignificant…

why do i wake?
routinely do the things i do?
for what purpose?

i throw a stone into the water –
causing ripples –
disturbing the placid serenity –
and for a moment – i am known –
but the water is deep,
my pebble – oh so small –
and once again –
the surface still…

i cannot believe that there is no tomorrow –
no sunrise chasing night –
no need to – believe…

for surely –
God – in all his greatness –
created more than this small holder of dreams –
and even when i cease to be –
in this place –
i will most surely – rise again!

great is my faith –
oh so strong my belief!