thought about being lonely –
today.
thought about all the times
i’ve ran away.
leaving you cold for awhile –
then returning.
wearing the things you love;
my heart on my sleeve,
and a smile!
realized – today,
that you are truly – gone!
and trying to wash away your
memory,
i filled my soul with
insecurity,
bled my eyes – tear-stained –
dry!
thought about living – today,
and died!
the place we sometimes journey to –
is much too dark to stay,
too far away for words,
more deep than sound –
profound as black on white,
or even still,
the very absence of light…
attempting once again to feel,
we dive head first into the –
nothing,
to somehow feel the splash –
of something…
as delicate as if,
more frail than why –
the sanity we seek to find,
evasive –
hides behind the clouds,
that clutter the skyline of our mind!
in a room filled with nonsense,
on a day filled with lies,
revelations (not) said –
come really as no surprise…
ever so quickly –
full moon behind cloud –
upside-down righted-smiles?
or merely reflections of frowns.
and if the edge of betrayal
was not sharp enough,
the absence of your consideration,
(mellifluous sangria – sweet sum of all non-concern)
secures tightly the noose…
i truly cannot understand
the method,
behind your madness.
your words,
like seeds from dandelions,
take my breath –
then blow callously away!
beneath it all –
even below the ever growing pile of discontent…
layered,
every so patiently –
my – defense –
(scar-tissue effect).
time passes;
and just as quickly as a borrowed breath – returned,
this now,
becomes our was…
what of it,
then?
false hope clinging in vain to should?
if we are less than everything allowed,
why – be – at all?
oh! i suppose there could be desire to rise above,
but even birds with broken wings
soon forget how it feels to fly…
once upon a –
not so long ago;
before the now,
was then.
soon after that first,
hello…
(Eden –
well,
at least some acceptable facsimile),
there was a you,
i knew –
and a me you,
although – reluctantly –
allowed –
admittance…
why is it –
in the light –
all demons – disappear?
aren’t they –
by nature –
invincible?
if can’t is not allowed to become is,
what then?
this timid soul does not posses the strength to slay
even the most subtle dragon,
and nowhere in the manual of supposition
is there an option –
to just – be!
indignant –
of you to assume!
your judgement falls like hail upon the road –
undisclosed to one –
further along the journey!
from chaos –
there comes a crown,
or so it may appear.
be careful –
all that glitters,
(well, you know)…
impromptu –
as it all may seem –
this course was –
pre-determined;
agenda’s,
hidden –
motive – un-disclosed…
and while the self-proclaimed queen ascends the throne,
those hiding in the shadows,
clinch tight their stones,
(solidarity – buried in an unmarked grave).
pompous –
precariously perched high upon – presume;
you think your – self – a god?
how sad,
but oh so satisfying!
your unsure steps,
leading you further along,
into the nothing…
when if turns into is –
tomorrow,
yesterday –
i’ll still be waiting here for you,
midnight anticipating dawn…
long –
the shadows on the road –
with miles left yet to travel –
but i’ve grown weary of the journey…
time used to be a friend of mine –
until the days behind were greater than ahead.
quickly –
earnestly –
i grasp for one more rung on this ladder of my life –
ambitious –
determined –
seeking consistency
in a mercurial world…
can you reach out a hand today?
this friend indeed –
is more than just a friend in need –
and you,
much more than just the axis to a world
ever so quickly turning!
where are you hiding,
ray of light?
i closed my eyes –
just for a moment,
and you were gone…
where did you run to,
with my could?
you leave me here –
holding only my might…
once upon a time –
far away –
long ago –
possibly stopped by,
but i,
too encumbered with couldn’t,
didn’t try to entertain…
now my here is dark,
and oh so lonely!
no promise of dawn –
no full moon bright to cast even a shadow…
discordant,
the music in my head –
but in my heart,
only the sound of breaking –
– glass – through which i
can see,
but never feel the touch –
ignorance – i passed on the street today –
(outspoken bias like a crows call).
we did not speak,
well,
he tried…
(insidious comments – contrite, obtrude)
my thoughts remained inside my head,
(impulse fighting lips – pursed tight!)…
safely passed,
i turned to take one final glance –
(no fear of turning to salt!).
hoping i would see – nothing…
how shocked to find –
old nemesis –
hypocrite!
i thought that time would take away the memories,
(bottles sank in a distant sea – message lost),
but i find –
all too available –
feelings,
(anguish, hurt, remorse),
and try as i may –
i just cannot erase your touch…
(nails on a chalkboard),
or remove the splinters of your hurt from my heart…
(time does not heal all wounds!)
My friend – you touch me deeper than the sun,
And every smile you smile fills up my soul!
With you it matters not what I have done,
For all my dreams you’ve taken and made whole!
Before your touch my life was closing fast.
But then you came and opened up the door.
Now all my insecurities have passed.
I’ve found with you a life and so much more!
You’ve brought the sun and rolled the clouds away.
And I can see new hopes and dreams ahead.
I’ll never wonder what to do or say,
Because with you all thanks can go unsaid!
If I had one small gift to give to you –
To find in me – what I have found in you!
standing too close to the edge 