after thought

“this piece speaks to my admiration for a man that surpassed all expectation. Godspeed on your journey Nelson Mandela!”
 
 
shackled by the awesomeness of you –
i stand in shadow –
waiting for the lightening crash,
the thunder roll,
the storm – inevitable – to pass…
 
there is no – just because –
with you,
no almost –
no doubt!
you oh so effortlessly over-fill the cup,
sweep the refuse from the waste
of – nearly –
aside,
walk right up to indecision –
unafraid –
un-denied!
 
if i could have one wish –
one dream come true –
to be as much as even half of you –
to run through fields of confidence,
toss chaos to the wind,
open – with purpose –
the pages of my life –
release the doubt,
the fear of – not enough!
 
for just one day –
to be the – axis,
not merely the passenger –
the reason,
no longer just the after thought…
 
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assault-at-arms

 
insinuations –
allegations –
demure unable to find –
a disguise…
 
i think i saw you –
standing in the shadows 
(you say coy,
i scream – callous!).
 
i think that i could live one hundred years
and never understand, 
from whose authority,
your condemnation?
(justification for hate?)
 
your eyes,
like your mind,
closed tight –
(and try as i might)
your fear will not allow me in-
my good intentions,
useless as the pain your conscience cannot feel!

 

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un-done

 
feelings placed on hold –
access –
denied.
what do you do when
doors are closed –
no goodbyes?
 
longing eats a hole
in sanities – reality –
words cannot be – unsaid,
feelings – un-felt…
 
regret –
an evil unparalleled –
compounded by cruel rejection…
 
the tender heart lies broken,
compassion lost –
abandon feels like midnight dark,
dying all alone…

 

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to the world

 
ice is forming –
on the windows –
now.
i hear the whistle of the wind –
its song,
so sad!
 
everywhere –
in cold secluded –
silence.
every-thing – captured
within grey!
 
no longer do the birds
in joyful chorus-
sing happily their songs.
their words lie frozen –
broken as the surface of the sky.
 
i touch the glass –
to wipe the discontent away –
to see if i may find you there –
peering in –
desperation eyes –
searching –
longing!
 
but i find only lonely shades of winter –
placid as the frozen sea –
          of your indifference!

 

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standing too close to the edge…

 
dangling –
here –
mere inches from release,
terrified to lose control!
 
pondering –
the forward,
and reverse –
confused,
unsure…
 
what if i take the step –
will my footing hold?
the edge is much too close,
and i am yet afraid…
 
that nothing will replace
the insignificance i have become
and i’ll fall –
headlong –
into less than –
something –
 
un-missed,
a stone thrown in the pond –
so small –
no sound,
no tell-tale –
ripples!
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Sonnet #1: What I have found in you.

 
My friend – you touch me deeper than the sun,
And every smile you smile fills up my soul!
With you it matters not what I have done,
For all my dreams you’ve taken and made whole!
Before your touch my life was closing fast.
But then you came and opened up the door.
Now all my insecurities have passed.
I’ve found with you a life and so much more!
You’ve brought the sun and rolled the clouds away.
And I can see new hopes and dreams ahead.
I’ll never wonder what to do or say,
Because with you all thanks can go unsaid!
 
If I had one small gift to give to you –
     To find in me – what I have found in you!
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fault-line

 
wanting to – remember
needing to – remember
yet unable to – remember…
(thoughts strewn random – un-collectable).
 
pleading,
desperately –
yet adamant.
the mind –
however,
unyielding…
(uncontrolled chaos – borderline dementia).
 
memories collected –
haphazardly –
disorganized sanity…
(thin, the line between what is and what should be).
 
and standing guard –
the one called – father –
ageless sentinel
surveying all –
yet seeing –
nothing!
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secure within your walls

out through the in-door,
in through the out –
always against the current,
you…

traveling now –
back into my country –
sunlight on the horizon,
dawn to a brand new day!

how is it –
with ease –
you navigate my conscious stream of life –
transverse my sky
as easily as light adheres to day?

nothing else –
not even thought –
can penetrate,
so easily permeate my mind.

you wrap around me –
contain the all of me
as much as –
skin.

complete –
i am –
with you –
secure within…

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undeserving

 
entangled in
my now –
entwined within 
my what-will-be,
you…
an anchor fastened to my heart –
essential as even –
air.
 
what was life before
you –
who drew the line
between indifferent –
and necessary?
 
was there sunlight –
or did the night – so nonchalant
just close his eyes –
allowing day…
 
i cherish moments
filled with oh-so–much of you,
grateful –
yet undeserving…

 

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when angels lose their wings

 
jack be nimble,
jack be quick –
(but not too quick).
 
one year farther away
from –
“congratulations! it’s a boy!”
 
funny –
how quickly time passes –
just yesterday,
(it seems – and just like dreams…)
articulating – da-da-,
and oh how suddenly the
world (if only for a minute) stopped turning…
 
26 journeys –
collection of seasons –
memories (how many shells on the beach?);
mullet-cut, blue-eyed cowboy,
with and insatiable appetite
for – fun!…
 
love –
only truly genuine possession
i have –
freely i give.
on this most awesome day that you (from angel – to son)
were born! 
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