of trust – indisposed.

there is a certain sadness attached to midnight. 

so often, it feels surreal –

travel along the road of night –

moving toward day.

and somehow, 

in that brief instance of transition, 

we age. 

another day older. 

another yesterday placed ceremoniously in the memorial of our past.

 

 

before we even realize,

the days collect like raindrops in the pond –

ripples of their entry fading quickly,

and then gone.

 

 

so too, 

memories.

while some, 

we hold on to with marked resilience, 

others disappear into the substance of our was. 

 

if only there were options to the process of forget.

to throw away the pain –

bury the hurt –

drown the disappointment –

yet etch into the very foundation of our existence those things we cherish: 

laughter –

joy –

compassion.

 

 

amazing –

i believe – 

to circumvent the opportunity for remorse.

instead of creating doors to acceptability,

perhaps remove deliberately the entire wall on which it’s hinged. 

 

i simply cannot entertain the thought of segregation based on perception.

audacious, 

don’t you think?

elitism –

prejudice – 

disregard. 

acts of denigration committed within paradigms of (supposed) camaraderie.

 

trust – 

indisposed –

casualty of a most unnecessary war.

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miles from ordinary

 

words unsaid –

touch un-felt –

 

promises, not made –

unbroken…

just how deep is too deep –

how real?

too real?

 

what is the penalty for touch –

instead of feel?

 

deep the water from your shore –

dark reservoir of intrigue –

and that safe room – behind your eyes –

illusive as – seems…

 

i would give a thousand – knows,

a million – haves –

for just one moment of your time –

(to understand, not assume)

 

dreams – i weave –

realities – i conceive –

engulfed within the enigma of you…

ethereal –

you are to me –

miles from ordinary!

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repose of indifference

today i placed you
in my box of death –
closed the lid –
allowed your darkness,
absence – from my light…
 
 
bundled up,
with ribbons of regret,
i laid your sorrow by the door –
safe outside the fortress of my heart.
 
 
silent –
contained inside my chamber of refrain –
i watched the raindrops attach themselves to windows – closed,
clinging with cold deliberation to the glass…
 
 
today i placed your memory
where the shadows grow –
waited without sound –
allowed the silence audience in the arena of despair.
 
 
today –
i lingered for a moment more
upon the shore of your demise.
said my farewells –
loosened chains of regret,
and in that instant of your escape,
this captive heart,
realized,
for the first time,
how it felt to be finally set free…
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salvation

i know this stretch of highway well.
i’ve traveled this winding road.
the curves that lead to where darkness lives –
the no-outlets –
desperation…
 
i’ve been where you currently hide.
scratched my name on that same wall of sorrow.
imagined the comfort of care.
and even now, on that very ledge of contemplation –
with the wind of indifference suggesting you just let go –
become undone –
i know…
 
sometimes in life we find the journey too long between rests.
sometimes – too intense.
sometimes,
lonely.
but what we fail to realize,
is just how much strength we show when at our weakest.
it’s in those moments of complete despair,
those moments of uncertainty,
those moments of – fear,
that we offer up our most sincere us.
 
when everything that confines –
restricts –
disables –
is stripped away –
then,
and only then,
can we come to terms with what defines us.
 
and sometimes,
even when we wish it were not so,
we find ourselves holding hands with hope.
and as hard as we try –
despite the diligence of our no –
the perseverance of our will,
to not –
we care…
 
in that moment we understand the blessing.
in that perfect moment –
we appreciate the gift.
 
what feeling more complete than joy from pain –
smiles from tears –
accommodation of shelter –
when lost and oh so lonely –
abandoned (it seems) –
in the rain…
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and just about now

and just about now,
while the stars shine and the moon is slightly less than full, we wage wars against ourselves.
in this moment, instead of holding hands, we throw sparks – rekindle flames – ignite with fear the fires of discontent.
what will it accomplish? this war of indifference?
if in the end – when the smoke finally clears – we find all we’ve conquered – is good; all that remains – draped in darkness – sad shroud of victory worn by kings without crowns – left only to reign over the grave of morality.
and so it goes…
 
and just about now,
we boast and brag of conquests made in the name of jurisprudence –
encroach upon the boundaries of right and wrong –
yet fail to comprehend the majesty of benevolence.
 
and just about – now –
while making plans to ostracize God from our concept of creation –
we fail to realize the structure of our once great society is falling down –
thin walls of faith,
collapsing in upon themselves,
weakened – by the senseless acts – inhumanity of man –
 
and just about now –
the reality of our demise is heard –
not in the roar of mighty storms –
but subtle as the exit of day –
more personal than a whisper of consolation,
from the very lips of death…
 
(and now i lay me down to sleep ,
i pray the Lord,
my soul…)
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when I’m without you

those days are here again –
when i’m alone –
clinging to the threads of
my existence,
falling fast!+
 
those days are here again –
when you are gone –
and everywhere i turn,
i find the emptiness,
the lonely shadow.
 
where are you now –
these sleepless nights,
these lifeless days?
where have you run
to find yourself?
 
you leave me –
losing mine!
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agenda’s.

life contained in boxes of obligation.
regimented interaction.
and if –
by chance –
a tear appears in the fabric of allowed –
all accommodation cast aside.
 
what is it –
that you do –
elevates your who to platforms of suppose?
were we not formed as equal parts from the same mind that imagined all creation?
 
what you hold in your heart will just as freely fit in mine.
however –
words of contempt you allow freedom to escape –
like whispers that crash impetuously upon the shore of my content…
 
audacious –
your you.
self-contained within walls of presume.
 
all the while –
held prisoner behind eyes that appear to look,
but sadly –
cannot see…
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fault-line

 

wanting to – remember

needing to – remember

yet unable to – remember…

(thoughts strewn random – un-collectable).

 

 

pleading,

desperately –

yet adamant.

the mind ,

however,

unyielding…

(uncontrolled chaos – borderline dementia).

 

 

memories collected –

haphazardly –

disorganized sanity…

(thin, the line between what is and what should be).

 

 

and standing guard –

the one called – father –

ageless sentinel

surveying all –

seeing –

nothing!

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seepage of your light

i cling to you like – spider webs –

     you brush away!

 

i wrap myself inside your thoughts,

submerge myself within your silent eyes –

     yet you don’t – see me,

          don’t even – feel me…,

 

how is it – my precious friend –

     your life can be so – full,

          so closed?

 

i take just so little room –

     a hurried breath,

     or thought,

     or maybe just a simple – sigh!

please make some room for this scared dream –

     or else – i die!

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sometimes the understanding

 

to just for once –

be that which is – necessary;

no longer-

required.

to understand the difference…

 

 

you speak to me –

indiscriminately.

unobliging as moon,

to midnight!

 

 

pompous –

you are.

supreme to my inadequacy;

omnipotent as sun,

in a sky devoid of clouds…

 

 

and even as i try to – not believe,

your matter of fact impales my –

un-faith.

leaves me,

clinging to your strong –

 

devours my –

weak!

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